I am in no way, no way a fan of wrestling, rasslin’, or whatever you want to call it.

But sometimes I do reminisce about my youth, when the WWE was know as the WWF, and guys like Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat and Randy “Macho Man” Savage actually gave little (very little) credibility to the pseudo-sport known as professional wrestling.  I can’t say that I ever watched a Wrestlemania event as a kid, but knew enough about the wrestlers just from being on the periphery.

And one of the biggest, most interesting wrestlers of the time was the Ultimate Warrior–ripped, painted face, the whole package.  He was cool and crazy.

Now he’s just crazy.

First he legally changed his name to “Warrior”…that’s Mister Warrior to you.

Then there was the public-speaking engagements, where he trashed left-wing politics and sparked a controversy with his remarks about “queering doesn’t make the world work.”

And of course his failed “WARRIOR” comic book, featuring himself as the main character.  Most notable was his issue where Warrior attacks the North Pole, usurping Santa Claus’ authority over the elves, and ends with a sweaty Warrior forcing Santa into bondage gear, before snapping some photos of him and Santa.  It is unclear whether Warrior actually raped Santa or not.  It is clear that the whole issue is creepy and disturbing…to the extreme.

These days, Warrior has his own blog, “Warrior’s Machete,” a forum for Warrior to discuss a multitude of different topics, ranging from politics to sexuality to patriotism…to a sarcastic eulogy of Michael Jackson?

Here it is for your reading pleasure (try not to picture sweaty Warrior and MJ in bondage posing for photos)…

Jacko.  Finally, he beat it.

I imagine all the crying about the death of this recent drug-soused entertainment freak has most to do with the unfortunate inconvenience that the other drug-soused entertainment freaks now face. They will have to look for another local, safe and reputable babysitter. No longer will they be able to drop their kids off down the street at Jacko’s to be watched for the afternoon and spend some play time with his own kids.

I hate the paparazzi, and think they should all be shot for the obsessive invasion of privacy. But I’m really going miss ALL those TMZ and Entertainment Tonight video clips of Jacko’s and other celebrity kids playing together. You ever see any of those? Weren’t they great? Didn’t they make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside? Worked for me. Every time I caught one it made me believe maybe he wasn’t a pedophile. After all, famous and rich entertainers, with all kinds of money to go to any expense to have things accurately checked out for themselves, wouldn’t let their own little babies near a pedophile…would they?!

Well, you gotta give him credit for one thing. He spent all his money (and then some) before he died. And that’s not an easy thing to calculate. Go ahead, ask your financial planner if he has a plan to pull it off. For all the horrific mismanagement of millions and millions and millions of dollars, here at the end, Jacko did a pretty damn good job at balancing the books in his favor. Sorry, at my new age and with the way the Obama economic plan is going, I couldn’t help but recognize this stunner.

Your Founding Father of Intense Sarcasm…

Always Believe, Warrior

Kind of brings a tear to your eye doesn’t it. [Deuce of Davenport]