You would think that a person with the “girth” of Bartolo Colon would be easy to track down, but apparently not.

Colon, the rotund hurler for the White Sox, seems to have disappeared into fat air, even though he was scheduled to pitch a rehab assignment Thursday for Triple-A Charlotte.

When asked about Colon’s whereabouts, Ozzie Guillen, the bat-shit insane White Sox manager, gave an answer that is either…

a) a joke

b) absolutely true

c) retarded

d) all of the above

If you picked d by the way, you may be c.

Here’s Guillen’s theory, if you will, on where Colon is hiding…

“I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan,” Guillen said. “He might [watch] the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in L.A. at his funeral, because I can’t find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney (Guillen’s son) will call me to say he’s there.  Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I’m serious. He might be depressed a little bit.”

Now, is Guillen just yanking our chain, or is Colon really that torn up about Wacko Jacko’s untimely passing.

I think it’s the latter…and here’s the proof.

F.Y.I….Colon made his rehab assignment start in Charlotte, and pitched 5 innings for the win.  Jermaine Jackson’s whereabouts are still unknown. [Chicago Tribune]