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• D-Bag of the Week for 28/09/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  You just have to feel sorry for the Cleveland Browns fans…easily some of the most rabid, educated, passionate fans in the NFL.  Or any league for that matter.

  Their once-proud franchise has quickly become one of the laughing-stocks in the league, down there with the Rams and Lions.

  And now their turd of a head coach is my Douchebag of the Week, not so much for one specific thing, but for a virtual cornucopia of royal screw-ups that have proven just what kind of douchetard “Mangenius” really is.

  If you want to know how Mangini came to be head coach of the Browns, go check out Wikipedia.  Let’s just say his coaching record as the Jets head coach was bad…very bad.  Save for one playoff season of 10-6, Mangini finished his time in New York with a 23-26 record.  Which is why it was very surprising the Browns hired this mutt 15 minutes after the Jets jettisoned his fat ass.

  In his short time at Cleveland, Mangini has been able to sink the already declining Browns franchise to new depths of suckitude, the likes of which have only been seen by the Detroit Lions and St. Louis Rams.

  Here are “Mangenius” accomplishments in his short tenure as Browns coach…

  • Had a mural of Cleveland Browns greats torn down in the Browns offices.
  • Put the Browns rookies on a bus from Cleveland to Hartford, Connecticut to participate in a football camp.  The ride lasted 10 hours…each way.
  • Fined one of his players $1700 for taking a $3 bottle of water from a hotel minibar without paying for it.
  • Reports are that Mangini screwed Josh Cribbs out of an agreed-to contract renegotiation.
  • The always tedious starting QB guessing game is back on, with it being announced today that Quinn is riding the pines, with Derek Anderson assuming the starting role.

  Let us not forget that Mangini was involved, and fined, for his role in the Jets/Brett Favre injury reporting snafu…and the whole “Spygate” thingy, of which he was a primary figure.

  A few of the Browns players have filed grievances against Hitler Mangini for the fines he assessed them.  I hope they win, and I hope the Cleveland organization wises up and gets rid of this douchebag before the franchise sinks any lower.

   

• ESPN Looks to Set Guinness World Record, Nauseate Viewers

  In Featured, NFL

  

  This has to rank up there as one of the worst promotion ideas ever…right up there with Disco Demolition night and new Coke.

  In their attempt to hype an already over-hyped Monday Night Football game pitting the Green Bay Packers vs. the Brett Favres Minnesota Vikings, ESPN has plans at setting a Guinness World Record.

  How do they plan on doing so…well, let’s just say it involves everyone’s favorite attention-whore, Brett Favre.  In fairness though, Favre is not directly involved with the ill-advised promotion.

  According to ESPN spokesperson Mike Soltys, the network will try to set the record for the most mentions of Brett Favre on their ESPN2 show, SportsNation.

  Seriously.

  SportsNation is hosted by the nauseating Colin Cowherd and Michelle Beadle,which makes the show pretty well unwatchable anyway.  But to ESPN, that’s not enough…they want to completely alienate their audience, in an effort to hype what is sure to be one of the most-watched games of the year anyway.

  But hey, nobody’s sick of hearing about Brett Favre…right? [USA Today]

   

• Mike Blowers Channels his Inner Kreskin

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Part of the inane chatter that goes on during the always-tedious pregame show usually involves your typical in-game match-ups, key players and broadcaster’s predictions.

  At best they’re mildly entertaining…at worst, they’re like being stuck at a Matthew McConaughey movie festival.

  Then there’s Mike Blowers, former third baseman and broadcaster for the Seattle Mariners,  who was asked who he thought would be the player of the game, in a segment called “Picks to Click.”

  Blowers chose Mariners infielder Matt Tuiasosopo as his player of the game.  He went on to predict Tuiasosopo would hit his first career home run.

  Blowers said the shot would be a second decker…in Tuaisosopo’s second at bat…on a 3-1 count…on a fastball.

  Probably a little more detailed than needed for the segment, but Blowers probably figured there’s no chance that this is going to happen, so he’d make it interesting.

  You can probably figure what happened next…Tuiasosopo hit his first big league dinger.

  Into the second deck.

  In his second at bat.

  With a 3-1 count.

  Off a friggin’ fastball.

  Holy shit.

  Click here to listen to the home run call, including the pregame prediction…courtesy of MyNorthwest.com.

  Mike Blowers is now the ultimate power in the universe. [Seattle Sports Blog]

   

• Wizard Casts a Spell on Cristiano Ronaldo

  In Featured, More Sports

  

  Heads up to Real Madrid and their superstar Cristiano Ronaldo…there’s a bounty out on you.

  Sort of.

  According to Spain’s El Mundo newspaper, the Real Madrid winger has been cursed…by a wizard.

  Seriously.

  The club received a letter from the wizard to warn them that he has been contracted to cast a spell on Ronaldo in an attempt to injure him.  Apparently this is the third time the wizard has targeted Real Madrid players.  David Beckham and Ronaldo (the fat, transvestite hooker-loving Brazilian version) were the previous targets.

  Whoever contracted the magician for the job is, at present, unknown, because, as the wizard puts it, “I am a mixture of priest and doctor and I have to respect the confidentiality of my followers.”

  While the wizard can’t promise the injury will be serious, he does say the it will keep Ronaldo out of action for some time.  But hey, if hooking up with Paris Hilton didn’t take him out, nothing will.

  Not surprisingly, Real Madrid are not taking the threat seriously.

  Source: LiveJournal via The Big Lead

   

• USC Running Back Stafon Johnson Seriously Injured

  In Featured, NCAAF

  

  Word out of USC is that senior tailback Stafon Johnson was involved in an horrific weightlifting accident earlier today, and has undergone emergency surgery.

  According to the USC RIPSIT Blog, the official USC football site, Johnson was performing the bench press, with a spotter, when the bar slipped out of his right hand.

  The weighted bar struck the young man’s throat at an angle.  USC athletic trainers and emergency personnel rushed to the scene to aid Johnson.  At one point Johnson was coughing up blood.

  Stafon was rushed to a local hospital where he underwent emergency surgery on his throat.  His status and recovery time is unknown.

  Head coach Pete Carroll had this to say…

  “It was an unfortunate accident and Stafon is getting great care right now.   We don’t have a lot of information at this point and we’ll keep everyone updated, but our thoughts and prayers are with Stafon.”

  We’ll update the story as more information becomes available.  Our thoughts go out to Stafon Johnson, his family and USC teammates.

  Get better soon.

  UPDATE: Johnson was in critical but stable condition late Monday night after seven hours of surgery.  Reports indicate he suffered crushing injuries to his neck, and severe injuries to his larynx.  He will not play football this season, but doctors expect him to make a full recovery.  Good news indeed.

   

• An All-Around Crappy Sunday for T.O.

  In Featured, NFL

  
  Look, I get it…Terrell Owens is an ego-maniacal asshole, who, at one point or another, will blow-up and throw everyone in the organization under the bus.

  And maybe he deserves all most of the shit that gets dumped on him by ex-teammates, fans, and the media.

  But yesterday was too much, even for a douchebag like Owens.

  First the game, a 27-7 beat-down at the hands of the high-flying New Orleans Saints.  And to add insult to injury, Owens didn’t have a catch…the first time that’s happened in 185 games.  This was, of course, all T.O.’s fault, even though Captain Checkdown (Trent Edwards) never came close to actually, you know, hitting T.O.’s hands all day.

  Then came the post-game interview…you know, the one he was forced into by the NFL.  Up until now Owens hadn’t held a post-game press conference, which no doubt pissed the media off.  But this time they had him up on the podium, just waiting for him to explode and throw everyone from Trent Edwards to OC Alex Van Pelt under the bus.

  Which he didn’t…not that the reporters didn’t try their best to goad him into it though.

  Here’s the press conference…

  Here are some of the questions thrown T.O.’s way by the media,as they try and get him to blow-up…

  “Did you pull up on that one when Sharper was coming at you?” (in other words…did you quit on that play, you pussy)

  “Your frustration level right now.” (please say high, so we can try and make you crazy)

  “Terrell, are you and Lee being wasted in this offense?” (don’t you think Edwards sucks)

  With the follow up…

  “You could say no right there.” (yeah, because if you say no, then that will create “controversy”)

  “Do you like the plays that were called?” (especially since the plays called affected your piss-poor production)

  “What do you think of the quarterback’s decisions after the plays have been called?” (don’t you think Edwards sucks)

  I give mass props to Owens for not giving in to this blatant attempt at the media to goad him into a few controversial soundbites.  He was straightforward, even respectful (like calling one reporter “sir”).  This, of course, didn’t sit well with the media either…so it’s a no-win for T.O.

  The media blasts him when he calls out teammates and acts like an idiot on or off the field.  They blast him when he doesn’t call out teammates or act like an idiot on or off the field.  Sorry guys, can’t have it both ways.

  This, however, doesn’t stop other, higher-profile media members from calling out T.O.  Like Rodney Harrison, the former Pats safety who now serves as an analyst for NBC’s Sunday Night Football.  Because he is an ex-player (and regarded as one of the league’s dirtiest players ever), Harrison thinks he can speak his mind on anything and anyone, on national TV.

  To which I call bullshit!

  Here’s what Harrison had to say about Owens on Sunday night…

  “He’s a clown. He’s all about the circus show and the cameras, and it’s all about that. But you best believe he’ll have Shawn Springs in his grill and Brandon Meriweather will be putting his helmet down his throat. So I’m excited about seeing that on Monday.”

  “He’s just so, so miserable. He wants to seek so much attention. I don’t know. Something happened a long, long (time) ago, before we even knew T.O., that just made him like this. The guy is such a phenomenal talent, but his clown antics and his tactics just take away, year after year.”

  “I’m pumped about T.O. opening up his big mouth about the Patriots. It’s fair now. I can actually put a bounty on T.O. if I wanted and not get in any trouble.”

  Wow.  Talk about your fair and balanced journalism.  Of course, T.O. has no public recourse against Harrison, except for his now-famous Twitter account.

  And he used it…

  

  Childish…yes.

  Immature…undoubtedly.

  Hilarious…abso-friggin-lutely.

  Harrison did get suspended in 2007 for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, and yes, it was for HGH use, which he admitted.  So it’s not like T.O. was lying, although he screwed up at first, claiming Harrison used ‘roids, when it was actually HGH.

  Look, I understand there’s a double-standard for Terrell Owens, and he is to blame for the majority of it. If Owens is seen yelling on the sidelines, he’s berating a teammate.  However, if Tom Brady is shown doing the same thing (cameras caught him screaming at Joey Galloway for not making a tough catch), well, Brady’s just being passionate.   But a new team means a new start, and even T.O., as big a dick as he is, deserves a little lee-way.

  The fans seem to have no problem doing this…if only the media would try it as well.

  
  

   

• Video: Tim Tebow Gets Knocked Out Against Kentucky

  In Featured, NFL

  

  Just in case you missed it, Florida QB Tim Tebow took a vicious hit from Kentucky DE Taylor Wyndham in last nights 41-7 Florida victory.

  And I mean vicious.

  The hit was clean, but the damage to Tebow’s melon was done as he was going down.  His head came into contact with teammate Marcus Gilbert’s knee, in a most violent way.

  Tebow lay motionless for a few minutes as Gator Nation held their collective breaths.  Eventually Tebow rose again (though not after 3 days), walked to the sidelines with assistance, and puked his guts out.

  This picture pretty well sums up the emotions Gator fans were going through…

  

  From there he went to Lexington hospital, where a CT scan of his head showed no bleeding on the brain (scary that they’d even have to check for that).

  Tebow was diagnosed with concussion-like symptoms and kept overnight for observation.  The senior will have 2 weeks to recover, as the Gators are off next week.

  Here’s the hit.  I dare anyone not to cringe…

  It looks as though Tebow will be okay, but here’s a question I have for coach Urban Meyer.  With your team up 31-7, late in the third quarter, and your star player already suffering from flu-like symptoms, why the hell is Tebow even in the game at this point?

  Just saying is all. [Rivals.com]

   

• Teacher Makes Fourth-Grader Turn Yankees Shirt Inside-Out

  In Featured, MLB

  

  This cute kid is Nate Johns, fourth-grader at Van Buren Elementary in Baldwinsville, New York.  And he’s quite obviously a New York Yankees fan.

  So much so that he decided to wear his CC Sabathia shirt to school.

  No problem, right?

  Wrong.

  Seems his teacher, Peter Addabbo, is a displaced Boston Red Sox fan, and for whatever reason took offense to little Nate’s shirt…probably because it clashed with the shrine to the Sox he set up in his classroom.

  So the teacher did what he considered quite reasonable…he made Nate turn his shirt inside-out.

  Wait, what?

  At first Nate thought his teacher was busting his chops, but quickly realized he was serious.  Nate complied, and was told to wear it like that until it was time to go home.

  As if that wasn’t humiliating enough, Nate was the subject of taunts from fifth-graders (the true pricks of the elementary school system) for wearing his shirt like that.

  The Baldwinsville school district is conducting an investigation, presumably to get the teacher’s side of the story.

  In a surprisingly classy move, the New York Yankees are sending Nate a gift package as a reward for his loyalty.  It’s unsure what exactly is in the package, only because the Yankee organization wanted it to be a surprise.

  Lets just hope it doesn’t contain this…

  

   

• J.P. Ricciardi Seems to Have Forgotten 2008

  In Featured, MLB

  

  "This will not end well..."

  .

  It’s the end of September, which means that a number of teams, including the Toronto Blue Jays, are engaging in meaningless games in front of hundreds of disinterested fans.

  For anyone even remotely following Canada’s only baseball franchise, it’s been painfully obvious for some time that general manager J.P. Ricciardi has to go.

  Hell, even he realizes it…so much so that he’s already begun the “J.P. Ricciardi Bridge Burning Tour.”

  In an interview with the Canadian Press, Ricciardi was quick to point out the troubles with the Jays and their ability to compete in the A.L. East is all based on economics…and not his own fuck-ups.

  “Let me make this clear: It doesn’t matter if J.P. Ricciardi is the GM, or Joe Blow is the GM. Two years from now, five years from now, seven years from now, the reality that we face in Toronto is the division is not going to change,” Ricciardi said in an interview this week. “The Red Sox and Yankees are not going away. If the Yankees want to, they can take their payroll to $300 million.”

  “The biggest thing that people forget is that when Toronto won the World Series, they had the highest payroll in baseball. There’s a direct equivalent to that. If we’re going to play in the big man’s division, and we’re not going to spend that money, it’s going to be really hard for us to compete with those teams.”

  “I get this feeling that people are dying for me to lose my job, they think my world is going to come crashing down. I’m not built like that.”

  “We’ve done the best job we can do under the circumstances in the situation we’ve been given. At the end of the day, if that’s not good enough, that’s not good enough. But until those two factors change, the next guy sitting in this role, whether that’s five years from now or 10 years from now, is going to be faced with the same problem: How do you get by the Red Sox and the Yankees?”

  Yes J.P., it’s tough to compete with the Red Sox and the Yankees year in and year out.  They have big scary payrolls…the Jays have a lame-duck general manager who dished out $70 million to Alex Rios, $52 million to B.J. Ryan, and gave A.J. Burnett a contract with an opt-out clause after three years.  And lets not even get into the Vernon Wells debacle…the Jays are saddled with that contract for years.

  But maybe J.P. has a point.  With the Yanks having a payroll well over $200 million, and the Sox about $120 million, how does a middle-of-the road payroll team compete?  It’s damn near impossible, right?  Oh wait, there was that team I remember doing it…when was that…hard to recall…oh yeah, the friggin’ 2008 Tampa Bay Rays.  Same division, lower payroll, World Series.  And that was just last year.  Jays fans are right…it’s time for this douchebag Ricciardi to go.

   

• NFL Week 2 Power Rankings

  In Featured

  

  Lots of questions after week 2 action in the NFL.

  Where has Pittsburgh’s running game gone?

  Are the Patriots vulnerable?

  Did the Lions make a mistake starting Matthew Stafford right away?

  Here’s the NFL power rankings as we head into week 3…

  1. NY GIANTS (2-0)

  Big win on a big night in Big D.  Manningham may make Plax a distant memory.  Defense is good, but needs to tighten up, especially against the run. (next game @ Tampa Bay)

  2. BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-0)

  We all knew the defense would be strong (Ray Lewis still amazes), but what’s more surprising is the offense and Joe Flacco.  A well balanced team. (next game vs. Cleveland)

  3. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2-0)

  To get dominated in time of possession like that against a good Miami team, and still come away with a win, speaks volumes about Peyton Manning. (next game @ Arizona)

  4. ATLANTA FALCONS (2-0)

  Nice to see Michael Turner back to normal.  Offense is superb, thanks to wunderkind Matt Ryan.  Defense needs to step up this week against embarrassed Patriots team. (next game @ New England)

  5. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-0)

  As long as Adrien Peterson runs all over defenses, this team will win.  Tough test against a surprising 49ers team.  Brett Favre hasn’t been called on to do much…how will this team do if he has to throw 50 times in a game? (next game vs. San Francisco)

  6. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (1-1)

  Need desperately to find a running game.  Two slugfests, and now a big division game against an up-and-coming Bengals squad.  Roethlisberger needs to get rid of the ball quicker and stop taking big hits. (next game @ Cincinnati)

  7. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (2-0)

  Drew Brees is on pace for another 5000 yd passing season, and stands out as a potential MVP.  Questionable defense and banged up running attack going to Buffalo. (next game @ Buffalo)

  8. NY JETS (2-0)

  Rex Ryan’s defense showed teams how to rattle Tom Brady…blitz like hell.  It’s worked so far for the AFC East leading Jets.  Mark Sanchez looks like a sober, better-looking Joe Namath. (next game vs. Tennessee)

  9. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (1-1)

  Banged up team that still had a chance against a very good Ravens team.  As long as Philip Rivers is healthy, this team has a chance, especially in the weak AFC West. (next game vs. Miami)

  10. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-0)

  Looking great, especially after beating two teams expected to contend for the NFC West.  Frank Gore is all-world, and Shaun Hill has done remarkably well.  Defense is turning into one of NFL’s best. (next game @ Minnesota)

  11. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-1)

  Pats look vulnerable, and Brady looks jumpy in the pocket.  Big test against the Falcons.  Bill Belichick will have this team ready to play, but will they be able to execute. (next game vs. Atlanta)

  12. CHICAGO BEARS (1-1)

  Cutler looked like the guy the Bears traded for, playing well against a tough Steelers defense.  Chicago’s D looked good against Pittsburgh, even without Urlacher in the middle. (next game @ Seattle)

  13. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (1-1)

  Kevin Kolb played admirably in place of Donovan McNabb, but the defense got obliterated by the Saints passing attack.  Of course, the Saints can do that to a lot of teams.  A healthy McNabb means better days for the Eagles. (next game vs. Kansas City)

  14. DALLAS COWBOYS (1-1)

  Despite playing in that gaudy monstrosity of a new stadium, the Cowboys laid an egg against the Giants.  Tony Romo had some huge turnovers, and the defense gave up too many big plays.  Put the two together and it could spell disaster for Dallas’ season. (next game vs. Carolina)

  15. BUFFALO BILLS (1-1)

  Should be 2-0.  Beat a weak Tampa Bay team by stretching the field with Lee Evans and Terrell Owens.  RB Fred Jackson making a case to remain the starter after Marshawn Lynch returns.  Defense has been great against the run, but pass rush still an issue.  Big test this week against the Saints. (next game vs. New Orleans)

  16. HOUSTON TEXANS (1-1)

  Won in a shootout against the Titans.  Matt Schaub finally got back on track, which is good news for Andre Johnson.  Steve Slaton needs to show up sometime this year.  Defense is still an issue. (next game vs. Jacksonville)

  17. TENNESSEE TITANS (0-2)

  No need to panic…yet.  An 0-3 start would be a death knell.  Running game is fantastic again.  Defense needs to get mean.  Tough game against the 2-0 Jets. (next game @ NY Jets)

  18. CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-1)

  Like Buffalo, should be 2-0.  Defense is surprisingly good, and will only get better.  Did the real Ochocinco show up against the Packers?  They better be ready for the champs this week. (next game vs. Pittsburgh)

  19. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-1)

  Kurt Warner was near perfect against a sinking Jags team.  Lots of weapons on offense, as always.  Could be in for a shootout against Manning and the Colts. (next game vs. Indianapolis)

  20. GREEN BAY PACKERS (1-1)

  Mistakes and penalties cost them against the Bengals.  Aaron Rodgers needs better protection from this offensive line.  Should be an easy win this week against the hapless Rams. (next game @ St.Louis)

  21. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (1-1)

  Seattle needs to be sure that Matt Hasselbeck isn’t made out of plastic, as this guy seems to get hurt an awful lot.  With Seneca Wallace leading the offense, don’t expect a lot of points.  Run defense is horrible. (next game vs. Chicago)

  22. DENVER BRONCOS (2-0)

  The weakest undefeated team in the league, but with a stingy defense.  On the road to take on the Raiders.  Could very well be 3-0 after Sunday, and still get little respect. (next game @ Oakland)

  23. MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-1)

  Demoralizing loss on Monday night to the Colts could make or break this team.  Now they have to go into San Diego to face the Chargers.  Great with ball control, but need more points (I’m looking at you Ted Ginn). (next game @ San Diego)

  24. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (1-1)

  Putrid offensive output against the pitiful Rams.  Now they get the equally pitiful Lions.  Offense better get it going this week, or changes will be on the way. (next game @ Detroit)

  25. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-2)

  Jake Delhomme played better, but that ain’t saying much.  If he doesn’t make a quick turnaround, expect to see his ass on the bench.  Defense is a huge question mark. (next game @ Dallas)

  26. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (0-2)

  Good thing all the Jags home games are blacked out, so the fans don’t have to watch this team.  Aside from an out and out miracle, Jack Del Rio gets fired before the season is over.  Thankfully they have Maurice Jones-Drew. (next game @ Houston)

  27. OAKLAND RAIDERS (1-1)

  Hey, they beat Kansas City!  They look better than last year, but JaMarcus Russell has failed to live up to expectations.  Improved, but still a mess. (next game vs. Denver)

  28. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (0-2)

  If defense wins championships, then don’t expect this team to win anything.  They’ve given up 900 yards in offense in two games. It don’t get any easier, as they play the Giants on the road.  Yikes!  (next game vs. NY Giants)

  29. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (0-2)

  The good news last week…they got Matt Cassel back.  The bad new…they still sucked.  Losing to Oakland is only slightly more respectable than losing to Detroit.  Another long season in Kansas City. (next game @ Philadelphia)

  30. CLEVELAND BROWNS (0-2)

  Well, Brady Quinn looks bad, the defense looks bad, and Mangenius is excelling at alienating his players.  Oh, and they play the Ravens…in Baltimore.  Say hello to your next potential 0-16 team. (next game @ Baltimore)

  31. DETROIT LIONS (0-2)

  Probably wasn’t the best idea to start the season with Stafford, and his 40.5 passer rating.  Offense sucks, defense sucks, but they gotta win sometime this year…right? (next game vs. Washington)

  32. ST.LOUIS RAMS (0-2)

  Two games…seven points.  Enough said. (next game vs. Packers)