I really don’t have any idea how to put this, so I’m just going to come right out and say it.

According to a story in US Weekly, one of A-Rod’s ex-girlfriends revealed a hilarious secret about Rodriguez’s interior decorating skills.

Seems A-Rod really loves him some A-Rod (as if those creepy, homoerotic pictures of A-Rod kissing himself in a mirror weren’t proof enough).  According to his ex, the Yankee slugger had not one, but two portraits of himself hanging over his bed.

Oh, did I mention the portraits depicted A-Rod as a centaur?

Holy…fucking…hell.

“He was so vain,” his ex tells Us Weekly. “He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?”

I would cut off my left nut to see those pictures.  Why does something so completely ridiculous seem completely plausible when it concerns an egomaniac like A-Rod?

Wonder what Kate Hudson thought when she got a gander at “Centaur Rodriguez?”

Here’s my crude rendering of what the portrait might look like…but head over to Can’t Stop the Bleeding for an even better, funnier one.

But really though, who doesn’t have at least one painting of themselves as a mythical figure hanging in their bedroom.  I have three such paintings of me as a woodland fairy, and word is that Derek Jeter’s house is full of pictures of him as a flying dragon. [US Weekly]