Dundee Fan’s Testicles No Match for Scorned Lover’s Hands

Published on: 26th November, 2009 @ 10:49 am by JeffG

I love my testicles…I really do.  That’s why stories like this scare the living shit out of me.  Seriously.

Billy Duncan, 49-years-old, is a Dundee fan.  And luckily for him, his team won the Challenge Cup.  So Billy wanted to celebrate–which he did.

Not-so-lucky for Billy, he lives with a psycho bitch named Helen Hodge.

Upon returning from his night of revelry, an inside source says Hodge claimed Duncan was screwing around with other women.  He just wanted to sleep.  She wanted to beat him about the head and face.

Then it gets worse.  Read on if you want, but be warned, you can’t unread it either.

Duncan, like most of us, doesn’t like being beaten when trying to sleep (unless you’re into that sort of thing–pervert), so he told psycho Helen to hit the road.

Helen had a better, more sadistic idea–she grabbed his nuts and pulled as hard as she could.

After a struggle, Duncan managed to get her out of his flat.

Then he saw the horror…the horror!

Billy looked down and realized he was bleeding profusely from the scrotal area.  Not a good place to see a large amount of blood coming from–ever.

“His scrotum had been ripped open and his testicles were dangling by his legs. There was blood all over the flat.”

As a guy, that is easily the most disturbing thing you could ever imagine seeing when looking down at your nuts.  No question about it.

Billy made it to the hospital, and amazingly, surgeons were able to save his boys.  He’s recuperating at home.

Helen, in all her bat-shit insanity, denies she was to blame for the ball-mangling.

“I’ll admit there was some pushing and shoving going on but I didn’t touch his testicles. I’ve forgotten what his balls even look like.  He’s not been near me for months.”

Cops are investigating.

And guys, let this be a lesson to you–if your significant other accuses you of cheating, never argue with her face-to-face, and always sleep on your stomach–in another city.

[The Scottish Sun via Bob's Blitz, Image]

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