Because a Frivolous Lawsuit is the Best Treatment for a Broken Ankle

Published on: 18th December, 2009 @ 12:45 am by JeffG

Straight from the “it’s always someone else’s fault” files, comes this ridiculously retarded story out of Queens, New York.  I wanted to throw a few more descriptive adjectives in there, plus a few vulgarities, but it’s late and I’m just too damn tired.  So there.

A 15-year-old female softball player named Alina Cerda is suing the city and Francis Lewis High School after she broke her ankle.  It was a pretty nasty break too–one that required six screws and a metal plate to fuse the ankle back together.  I’ve never broken anything, but that sounds bad.  Like Jason Kendall/Moises Alou bad.  Google them if your memory sucks, and you don’t have an aversion to uncontrollable bouts of vomiting.

The reason Cerda is suing the city and school?  She claims her high school coach never taught her to slide.

I kid you not.

This comes from someone who says she has been playing softball since the age of seven.  In all that time, she never had to slide during a game and/or practice?  And in that same time she never, ever was taught how to slide?

I’m going on the record right now, and am calling BULLSHIT!

Let’s play devil’s advocate here, and say yes, she never was taught how to slide.  Hey, dumbass, one-on-one instruction is not the only method of learning a new skill.  Or are you going to tell us how you never saw any of your teammates slide either.  Because that sounds as believable as the rest of your garbage story.

This pisses me off to no end, because in the grand old U.S. of A., frivolous lawsuits are as prevalent as stupid Internet memes and Tiger Woods mistresses.  They cost taxpayers money they don’t have, and tie up the court systems.  In other words, they’re completely and utterly a monumental waste of time.

Look sister, your cleat got caught in the mud during sliding drills.  Allegedly the coach wasn’t supervising, rather, he left it to some of the veteran players to instruct you.  But then you caught a tough break and tore up your ankle.  Get over it.

And one final suggestion–either drop your idiotic lawsuit, or shove it up your ass.  You decide.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to get off my high horse for the night, do some jello shooters, and go to bed.

[NY Daily News via The Big Lead, Image]

Readers Comments