Not that I have anything against morons–I too was a moron once in my life. But even as a stupid, snot-nosed kid, I knew the difference between reckless fun and life-endangering stupidity. Mind you, I barely knew the difference, but I still knew it.
This kid here? Not so much. His name is Dean Garcia, he’s 18-years-old, and he’s a moron. He may also be the world’s worst Christmas tree surfer.
What’s that? You’ve never heard of Christmas tree surfing. Me neither, until this story. In laymen’s terms–you tie the tree to the back of a car, then have somebody ride the tree as it’s pulled along behind a car, usually at a speed guaranteed to render the mouth-breathing simp on the tree a big pile o’ goo should they fly off and hit something.
Now, after that detailed description, wanna guess what happened to old Deaner here?
With Garcia on the tree, being pulled behind an SUV, going 20-25 mph, in a residential area no less, the tree hit a speed bump, causing Dean and the tree to swing out and hit a parked car. No surprise, Dean ended up in hospital with a sore back and pain when breathing.
Now, after cheating death like that, you’d think this little prick would’ve learned his lesson. Right?
Think again, mogumbo.
When asked if he’d try his hand at Christmas tree surfing again, Garcia, showing all the wisdom of his youth, said never–”unless I’m in an open area.”
Oh god, I weep for the future.
