Yeehaw Raptors fans! I have got some fan-fricken-tastic news for you. Mark February 3rd down on your calendars, because you are in for a hell of a time.
Providing you don’t go to the game that night.
The Raptors are touting the February 3rd game as “Fan Night” at the Air Canada Centre. From what I can tell, Toronto really hates its fans. Why else would they make “Fan Night” a game against the New Jersey Nets. Yeah, those Nets.
Oh, but it be worse, mogumbo.
Wait til you hear who’s playing at halftime.
Cue the bass line.
Slip in the hi-hat.
Get ready to have your ears bleed.
The Raptors went and dug up the corpse of Vanilla Ice, reanimated him somehow, and are all set to have him perform at halftime. Because in 2010, Ice’s music is as relevant as MC Hammer’s…who was apparently unavailable.
At first I thought this was an absolutely ridiculous idea–still do in fact. But looking deeper, this may be a major coup for the ACC concessions. Only the truly sadistic Raps fans will sit and watch Vanilla Ice dance like a retarded monkey while belting out all his greatest hit. Yes, hit. Singular. Because if Ice thinks the Raptors organization wants him performing anything other than “Ice, Ice Baby” then I want what he’s toking.
What this means is that more people will be lining up to buy those incredibly overpriced, watered-down draught beers and crappy nachos covered in liquid cheese instead of subjecting themselves to Ice’s so-called “rapping.”
And for you poor, unfortunate bastards who won’t be at the game, here’s what you’ll be missing…