The Sacramento Kings Have a Foolproof Way of Putting (Drunk) Asses in the Seats

drunk-urinal

Oh yeah, I like this idea.  I like this idea a lot.

The crappy Sacramento Kings have had problems bringing in the fans to Arco Arena.  So their genius marketing team has come up with a fantabulous idea to sell out at least one game.

Dollar Beer Night.

The Dec. 16th game against the Washington Wizards will feature $1 beers (or soda or water).  Unfortunately for all you drunks out there, the buck-a-beer will only be served until halftime.

Did I mention that the game is going to be nationally televised on ESPN.

Hooboy!

I may just watch this game to see what shit goes down–because shit WILL go down.  I guarantee it.  Cheap beer, rowdy fans and crappy basketball is a perfect recipe for a good old-fashioned shitstorm.

How do I know this?  Take a trip with me my children, back to the 1970’s, back to a place called Municipal Stadium, back to an ill-fated promotion known as Ten Cent Beer Night.

Just over 25,000 fans showed up to see the Texas Rangers play the Cleveland Indians.  But who am I kidding–they came for the ten cent beer.  Duh!  Up to this game, the Indians had only been averaging about 8000 fans a game.

Let’s rundown what happened during the game…

  • a woman ran out to the on-deck circle and flashed her boobs
  • a naked dude sprinted out to second base
  • a father and son ran out to the outfield and mooned the bleachers
  • a riot broke out, with many of the fans armed with knives, chains and pieces of the stadium.  Players from both teams had to arm themselves with bats, and order wasn’t restored until a riot squad from the Cleveland Police Department arrived.

But hey, I’m sure the Kings management has taken all this into consideration, right?  Maybe?  Goddamn I hope so.

What the hell do I know–maybe in spite of the cheap beer, the crowd will be well behaved.  I mean, not every Kings fan is an angry, out-of-control, alcoholic bastard like me.  Are they?

[NBA.com, Image]

 

About the author: Jeff Greenwell

 

Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.

Website: http://lastangryfan.com

 

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  • Steve

    Aren’t all sports fans who know they’re being televised naturally well-behaved?

    I mostly agree with Jeff that this is more than a little chaos waiting to happen, but he’s working an old line – these guys aren’t so crappy after all. Through their bops-and-harley haze, some people might actually see a bunch of guys who are not only all over the floor, they can hoop here and there…

  • Pingback: Sacramento Kings Solve All Their Woes With Dollar Beer Night « The Weekly Sports Report

 

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