Maurice Clarett Wants to Checkout of the Crowbar Hotel a Little Early

Hey, our favorite AK-47 carrying, NCAA suing, armed-robbing, ultimate definition of a never was, Maurice Clarett, is back in the news.  I, for one, missed Maurice and his wacky antics.  Knowing that a screw-up of Maurice Clarett’s stature is still around makes me feel better about my daily snafus.

I guess Slo-Mo is getting tired of the daily beatings and shower aerobics he’s been subject to in prison, because he’s filing for early release after serving nearly half of his original 7 1/2 year sentence for the whole aggravated-robbery and gun thingy.

Will Clarett’s wish be granted?  Will the former Ohio State running back who never had the chance to flame out in the NFL be released back into civilization?  At this point, will anyone even care if he is?

The best part is that if released, Clarett plans to pursue a career in…football.  But where would the 26-year-old Clarett, who hasn’t played anything even resembling professional football since participating in the Broncos training camp five years ago, pursue this pipe-dream?

The UFL?  The CFL?  The American Indoor Football League?  The Lingerie Football League?

Try none of the above.

Sorry Mo, but with your track record, and the fact that you’ve been away from any type of organized football since 2005, you’ve got about as good a shot at having a career in football as I do of having a career as a male stripper.

Which is pretty well non-existent, what with my grotesque body and tiny dong.

But good luck to ya anyway Mo…ya slow-footed, goofy bastard.

[The Seattle Times,Image]