Joshua Clottey’s effort against Manny Pacquaio in this past Saturday’s WBO welterweight bout was piss-poor, to say the least.  Sure, he basically got $2.5 million for being Pacquaio’s punching bag, but come on, he could have fought back a little.

Then again, maybe he couldn’t.  Maybe he was putting all his effort into squeezing his ass cheeks together, so that he wouldn’t soil himself.

You think I’m kidding, but you’d be wrong.

Clottey has come up with a rather unique, yet somewhat believable, excuse as to why he was dominated by Pacquaio on Saturday night.  I say believable, because at one time or another I’ve suffered from the same ailment, and let me tell ya, it’s hard to focus on anything when you’re cursed with…diarrhea.

And that, dear friends, is one of Clottey’s reasons for a poor showing against Pac-Man.  He acquired the unfortunate condition many of us know as the runs, the trots, Hershey squirts, etc., from eating bad stew.  Specifically, banku and okro stew, which seem to be popular dishes in Clottey’s native Ghana.

“When I ate after the weighing I was ‘running’; the midnight I went to toilet almost like four times; in the morning I went to toilet almost like three times; when we went to the dressing room I went to toilet like three times,” he explained.

Clottey further clarified that all those liquid dumps had weakened him, thus leading to his poor performance in the ring.  He also promises a swift return to glory, which you can read as one of two things–either he plans on triumphing in his next fight, or that his bowel movements will become solid and regular once again.

[My Joy Online via The Queensberry Rules, Image]