“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt” — Abraham Lincoln
I’d bet my left testicle that Tommy Mason Griffin, freshman point guard for the Oklahoma Sooners, has never even heard this quote. Why, I’d go so far as to wager that even though Griffin is a college kid, he’d have trouble identifying Abraham Lincoln…and that’s if you spotted him the beard and stovepipe hat.
But hey, college is overrated, no? Especially for the 789th ranked prospect in the country (according to ESPN’s Chad Ford). Yep, after reading Griffin’s Facebook page, it’s clear to me that this bright young man has gotten all he can out of his post-secondary education at the University of Oklahoma.
I would decipher Griffin’s, umm, text for you, but honestly, I have no idea what he is saying–even with the help of my English to Ebonics dictionary.
One can only hope Griffin did better at Geography, than he did at English Composition, since it’s going to be very important that he be able to locate Europe on a map–seeing as that’s probably the only place he’ll have a chance at playing basketball next year.
But hey, who am I to judge? We should all live by the words of this generation’s Jack Kerouac, Keepin A’smile Pringle, when she says,”my nigga tommy do ya thang bro.”
Tim Tebow is a devoutly religious person, who wears his beliefs on his muscle-filled sleeves. Now that’s all fine and dandy…until you try and lead a room of multi-faithed people in prayer.
Then you’re more than likely going to fall flat on your face…like a certain fella named Tim Tebow did before he went and scored a piddly 22 out of 50 on the Wonderlic test.
From the always (insert gratuitous and shameless adjective) Pro Football Talk, as per a league source, comes the story of Tebow’s foray into group prayer before the Wonderlic test–and the disastrous results.
Apparently Tebow, once the person administering the test to his group had finished, asked the group to bow their heads in prayer before starting the exam.
To which one unnamed, yet comically-endowed, player responded…”Shut the f–k up.“ As you can expect, this comment brought about scores of laughter from the other players in the room.
And just to clarify, I am not mocking Tebow’s Christianity or his right to express it. I am only reporting what allegedly happened at Tebow’s Wonderlic test…that is all.
No word on who the guy was that yelled “shut the f–k up,” but my money is on Walter from The Big Lebowski…
The Penguins are playing the last regular season game at Mellon Arena on April 8, and plans are to give all fans in attendance a commemorative ticket…made entirely of aluminum.
Which at first I found odd, seeing that Pittsburgh is “The Steel City” and all, but seriously, who wants a ticket made of steel anyways. Aluminum is the way of the future.
The tickets are a gift of Trib Total Media, and will be handmade by local company, Wendell August Forge, America’s oldest and largest forge.
Wendell August Forge received the order in early March, days before a massive fire destroyed the company’s workshop, offices and store located in Grove City. But the Penguins, in a truly classy move, offered their support to the company, and the single-largest order in the Forge’s history, courtesy of said Pens, will go off as originally planned.
The aluminum ticket will feature Mellon Arena, and will have a design similar to the tickets used by season’s ticket holders that night.
Mellon Arena, currently the oldest and lowest capacity arena in the NHL, is set to be replaced by the brand spanking new Consol Energy Center, which will begin hosting the Penguins starting with the 2010/2011 season.
No final plans have been made as to the fate of Mellon Arena once the Penguins vacate. Currently it is eligible to appear on the National Register of Historic Places, thanks in large part to it’s one-of-a-kind retractable dome, and it’s ability to contain the majority of Sidney Crosby’s extreme douchebaggery.
Yeah, I don’t watch Dancing With the Stars, but I’m not above whoring myself out for pageviews…which is precisely what I’m fishing for by posting Erin Andrews’ performance on the show last night.
How did she do? How the hell would I know…I’m not Arthur Freaking Murray now, am I?
I know this–she looked smoking hot, and, well, that’s all you need to know.
Here’s our favorite leggy sideline reporter tearing up the dance floor with her uber-lucky dance partner…
What do you get when you take a 6′ 5″, 263 lb defensive tackle, get him liquored up,then let him loose on the unsuspecting populace?
Misdemeanor assault and larceny charges, and a well deserved “indefinite” suspension from the NC State football team…and by indefinite, I mean at least the entire offseason.
What happened, you ask?
Seems J.R. Sweezy (SWEEZY!), the aforementioned lout, was riding home in a shuttle bus after a super fun night of underage drinking. Now, I have no problem with the underage drinking, especially when you live in the jerkwater burg known as Mooresville, NC.
It’s the drunken assholery I take issue with.
The driver of the shuttle bus, one David Scott Magnuson, had just about enough of Sweezy’s “loud and obnoxious” antics, and proceeded to kick him off the bus. Mr. Sweezy complied without incident, leaving the bus in a calm and orderly fashion.
Nah, I’m yanking your chain. But you already knew that, didn’t ya?
As he was exiting the bus, Sweezy knocked over Magnuson’s tip jar. Magnuson and his partner, Nicholas Kaplan, went out to confront Sweezy about the incident.
That’s when things got physical–but not in the sexy, Olivia Newton John, 1980′s kind of way. If it had, that would have been totally weird.
No, a physical confrontation occurred between the 20-year-old Sweezy, and the 65-year-old Magnuson (and friend). Cops were called, Sweezy was arrested and charged, and subsequently suspended indefinitely by NC State head coach Tom O’ Brien.
No offense to Nicholas Kaplan, who I’m sure is a swell fella, but things would have gone much differently if Magnuson had Epic Beard Man riding shotgun with him…
It’s not a good time to be in any way, shape or form affiliated with the New Jersey Nets. They lost again, this time to the Miami Heat, dropping their record to a pathetic 7-63. It’s so bad, that some fans have even reverted to that age-old tradition of wearing a paper bag to games, as a way of voicing their disgust and displeasure with this sorry-ass franchise.
Now, that’s all fine and good, providing you don’t piss anyone off in the process. And most of the time, the crusty upper-management types don’t have a problem with the throngs of bag-wearing fans.
Unless you’re Nets CEO Brett Yormark. If you’re Yormark, then yeah, you got a problem with it–a big problem.
Allegedly, Yormark got into a heated argument with a fan sitting in the second row, paper bag covering his face. Whether Yormark’s lashing out was actually because the fan chose to voice his displeasure with the putrid Nets via the grocery bag medium, or if he’s just fed up with his team’s nightly crapfest o’ basketball, either way, Yormark let the dude have it.
The fan is claiming that Yormark asked him why he was wearing the bag. His response was a benign, yet sarcastic, “Because the Nets are so good.” Apparently this was enough, according to the fan, to set Yormark off on a verbal barrage of venom and bile-spewing anger. You would think that most people in the Nets organization would have developed a thick-skin by now, seeing that the Nets are the laughing stock of the NBA.
You’d be wrong.
A spokesperson for Yormark did not have any comment at this time.
Look, nobody, and I mean nobody, is as fanatical about their college hoops as the people residing in the great state of Kentucky. With no professional team located in-state, college basketball is really all they have. They’re nuts about it–legitimately nuts, but in a good way.
This includes a group of first-year law students enrolled at the Salmon P. Chase College of Law at Northern Kentucky University. So it’s no wonder they felt shafted when they found out that a mandatory “professionalism” lecture had been scheduled on the same night as the opening night of the NCAA Tournament. It was even worse because UK was scheduled to open their tournament against East Tennessee State, and the future litigators wouldn’t be able to watch their beloved ‘Cats hit the hardwood.
But in a lovely bit of irony, the law students didn’t miss a minute of the action–thanks to their iPhones.
This “professionalism” lecture, a mandatory event for 1L’s, consisted of a very conservative attorney/judge/sheriff from Cincinnati talking about the need to return prayer and spanking to schools, and a very liberal ACLU attorney stressing the importance of pro bono representation of child molesters. Event titled “Lawyers: Agents of change, or Preservers of the status quo?” And yes, the entire class of 1L’s were playing on their iPhone’s during the entire event following March Madness.
See, the irony is that during the lecture on “professionalism,” the students were anything but, choosing to focus their attention on the tournament action found on their iPhones, instead of listening diligently to the guest speakers who had given up their own time to come speak to them.
No offense, but I’m with the kids on this one…100%.
Too bad Associate Dean of Academics Lawrence Rosenthal isn’t. Nope, he is none too impressed with the gang and their iPhones, and he penned a letter to let the first year students know about it.
Dear First-year Students:
It was good to see all of you at last night’s professionalism program. After reading many of the comment sheets, it seems that most of you enjoyed it. This, of course, I was happy to learn.
I was not, however, particularly pleased with some of the behavior I witnessed last night. Most students were paying attention to what our speakers were saying, and I commend those students for behaving in an appropriate, professional manner. However, I noticed several students, both men and women, watching the NCAA tournament on their laptops; constantly looking down at their iPhones or other electronic devices; and texting messages to fellow classmates or to people not at the presentation.
While I understand that people are interested in the NCAA basketball tournament, and that they might not have agreed with the viewpoints expressed by the speakers, this conduct was patently rude and inexcusable. The ironic thing about this situation is that these presentations were supposed to teach students about “professionalism,” and I could not think of any behavior less professional than what I saw last night. Would you act this way in front of a judge? Would you act this way in front of a client? I can only hope the answer is “no.”
We all have things we would rather be doing at certain times (for example, I would rather be watching the Union / St. Lawrence hockey game tonight than teaching a make-up class), but as a professional, I know that my responsibilities as a faculty member and administrator come before my desire to watch the game. I know that when my class is over, I will be able to find out who won. Similarly, all of you would have been able to see the results of the basketball games after the 1.25-hour presentation last night. I don’t think there would have been any significant consequences had you actually listened to the entire presentation rather than focus on your iPhones, your laptops, and your other electronic devices.
Thankfully, I do not think that the speakers were able to see what was going on in the audience. That does not, however, make rude behavior any less unprofessional. I can only hope that as you progress throughout your law school careers, you will learn what “professionalism” truly means.
Lawrence D. Rosenthal
Associate Dean for Academics
NKU – Chase College of Law
That may be the most well-written piece of claptrap that never once made me want to wretch. Word to the wise, Dean Rosenthal, you’re wasting your time trying to compare first-year law students missing the UK/East Tennessee State game to you missing the Union / St. Lawrence hockey game–if anything, it shows 1) how out of touch you are with students and (big time) college sports, 2) how you fail to mention that you get PAID to teach that make-up class and 3) that you are a complete douchebag.
Hopefully the students can come up with a way of exacting revenge on the Dean and his fancypants letter…
it is possible for small-market teams to spend money and keep homegrown talent with long-term contracts
neither the Yankees nor the Red Sox can get their grubby little hands on Mauer
And it’s the second point that has the Rays manager giddy. So giddy in fact, he personally took the time to thank the Twins for keeping Mauer away from his division rivals…
“We’d really like to thank the Twins for giving him a long-term deal,” Maddon said. “We can’t have him. We can not afford that. For us, Toronto and Baltimore, we really appreciate that. I thought it was fabulous. He’s that good. I don’t know how he’s going to perform, but if anybody’s worth that, he is. He’s the best at what he does. What is he, 26 years of age? One of the nicest humans that exists on this earth. He’s all of those things. I got to meet him during the All-Star Game [last year]. He blocks well, he calls well, he throws well, he uses the whole field. He’s all of that. He’s among the best players in the game today. At 26, he might be the best. God bless him, he deserves it.
“And he’s not in our division. Again, thanks to the voters of whatever the county was that have committed to this new ballpark.”
So basically Maddon was saying “f–k you” to the Yankees and Red Sox…in the most polite way imaginable.
Time to take off that shirt Rexy boy–and should we start calling him, with apologies to Rex Grossman, Sexy Rexy?
Why you ask? Well, since undergoing lap-band surgery on March 13th, using the pseudonym Roy Rogers, Ryan is down to a svelte 317 lbs. Big deal right?
Actually, it is a big deal, especially since his weight pre-surgery was a whopping 338 lbs, which in itself is impressive, since he weighed in at 348 lbs at the end of the season. Ryan was so big, he had his own satellite system orbiting his ass. Rimshot!
But there will be no more fatass jokes hurled Ryan’s way, especially if he keeps up the weight loss. The 21 lbs he dropped in a week is pretty damn amazing, but Ryan isn’t going to stop until he gets down to a very manageable 250 lbs, hopefully within the next couple of years. When that happens, he will have officially usurped the title of “Sexy Rexy” away from the aforementioned Grossman.
Ryan’s motivation for the weight loss surgery was a noble one–he wants to be around for his family. And to that I say kudos…kudos Rex Ryan. Carrying that extra weight made the Jets coach susceptible to diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. Sure, lap-band surgery is the quick fix for losing weight, and has been labeled a somewhat controversial treatment, but it ended up being the best option for Ryan, and he’s on his way to a healthier and happier life…plus he’ll finally be able to reconnect with a dear, old friend he hasn’t seen in quite some time.
So, pretend for a minute you’re Mark Titus, forward/benchwarmer for the Ohio State Buckeyes. It’s your senior year, your team is the #2 seed in the Midwest Region, and you’re at another boring practice.
Suddenly, you spy an unguarded CBS telestrator.
In best Keanu Reeves voice–”What do you do? What do you do?”
If you’re anything like Mark Titus, who seems to be an 8-year-old trapped in a 6’4″, 210 lb body, you write something goofy, immature–and downright hilarious. Then you immediately post it to your Twitter account (but what would you expect from someone who has his own highly successful, and entertaining, blog)…
If you haven’t figured out what Titus wrote on the telestrator, either my headline is much too vague, or you’re not too bright, and if it’s the latter, well, I feel your pain.
Yes, Titus wrote the word “BOOBS,” which can also be done on any calculator, by typing in 58008 and holding said calculator upside-down (thus making the article’s title relevant).
Titus could have totally won the day had he either drawn an actual set of boobs on the telestrator, or better yet, his version of the classic telestrator dong.
