Home / 2010 / July

• Lionel Messi Must Love Him Some 90′s Britpop

  In Featured, More Sports

  

  So much so that he formed an OASIS tribute band.

  Wait…what?

  According to the Sun, via Deadspin, Barcelona’s Lionel Messi has put together an OASIS tribute band, featuring himself performing as guitarist Noel Gallagher. Apparently Messi isn’t the only Barça player in the group–a teammate of the 23-year-old futbol star was recruited to play the role of lead singer Liam Gallagher, although Messi won’t say who exactly.

  “Our disguise is based on how Oasis looked in the mid-90s. We have our wigs, clothes and glasses sorted. I also spent a lot of time getting the mannerisms right.”

  Your guess is as good as mine as to the identity of Messi’s fellow bandmate, but if I was a betting man, my money would be on David Villa and his douchetastic, Chris Gaines-y soul patch.

   

• Portly Phillies Fan Dubbed “Pukemon” Going to Jail

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Remember Matthew Clemmens, the rotund Phillies fan who intentionally vomited on an off-duty cop and his two young daughters, in what could only be described as the ultimate act of Philly fan douchebaggery?  Well, even though karma has yet to leave a permanent mark on Mr. Clemmens, the Pennsylvania justice system sure has.

  Clemmens, hilariously dubbed “Pukemon,” was sentenced to 30 to 90 days in jail, ordered to perform 50 hours of community service, and put on probation for two years.  Common Pleas Court Judge Kevin Dougherty, who handed down the sentence, suggested Clemmens community service should include cleaning the restrooms at Citizens Bank Park…preferably after “Free Taco Night” at the ballpark (Ed. note: last part added for comedic effect).

  Despite family and friends speaking on his behalf, noting his politeness and exemplary behavior at home, and “Pukemon” himself accepting culpability for his actions, Dougherty was not swayed in his decision for levying a sentence that “reeks with justice.”

  After listening to the remarks from Clemmens’ side, and doling out his sentence, Dougherty, of course, had to close with the obligatory baseball reference…

  “Your apology, I believe, was feigned,” Dougherty said, as Clemmens stood stone-faced, both parents at his side. “I don’t know if you were trying to hit a home-run with your friends that day . . . but you struck out.”

  Enjoy your time in the crowbar hotel Mr. Clemmens, and here’s hoping that karma pays you a visit, preferably when you’re in the shower, if you get my drift.

  [Philly.com]

   

• Super Bowl Related Final Jeopardy a Wonderful Collection of Fail

  In Featured, NFL

  

  So, the final Jeopardy category on last night’s episode was the Super Bowl, which I’m sure had the three contestants paralyzed with fear, seeing that most Jeopardy participants are more familiar with Carl Jung than they are with Carl Eller.

  So it came as no surprise that two of the three contestants gave the wrong answer to the final question , “As of 2010 it’s the only current NFC team that has never played in the Super Bowl?”  (the correct answer is the Detroit Lions)  What was a surprise was how bad the two wrong answers actually were…

  You tell me what’s the bigger fail…the woman who quite obviously guessed the “Jacksonville Panthers,” or the guy who answered ??  Props to the woman for a) at least giving it a shot, and b) knowing that Jacksonville actually has something resembling an NFL team.

  Buddy, if you can’t name one NFC team, let alone an NFL team, you sir, are not a real man.  As the vlogger says, time for this guy to turn in his man card.

  [H/T to Sports Crackle Pop]

   

• Skins Fan Shows Off Her Love For Chris Cooley Via Her Painted Belly

  In Featured, NFL

  
  
  First off, I must apologize to the half dozen loyal followers of this site for the sporadic posting. Vacations have a way of doing that to people–but in retrospect, you guys should really be kissing my ass. I love you so much that I forego drinking and relaxing to update the Fan on a daily basis for you ingrates.

  Well, enough that bickering…here’s how I’m going to make it up to you. Mucho thanks to our pals over at Bob’s Blitz (if you haven’t been there, go now, click on their sponsors, then get yo ass back here), I give you a sexy-ish Redskins fan and her stupendously painted abs honoring Cooley and other Skins players…

  

  You don’t have to thank me…your pageviews are thanks enough.

   

• Tim Tebow Wants to Give You the Underwear Right Off His Crotch

  In Featured, NFL

  

  OK, so maybe the title is a tad misleading…even though Tim Tebow is the physical embodiment of the Christian spirit, don’t expect him to hand you the tighty-whities right off his crotch anytime soon.  Besides, they’re probably stained with a combination of taint sweat and a grand sense of self-satisfaction, and really, who wants that.

  While Tebow has yet to sign a contract with the Denver Broncos (he may even…gasp…hold out), The Mile-High Messiah has finalized another type of deal…to be a spokesperson for Jockey underwear.

  Per the Jockey website…

  Heisman Trophy Winner and pro football quarterback Tim Tebow will serve as a Jockey spokesperson beginning in July, 2010.

  “I’m excited to represent the Jockey® brand. I’ve long been a fan and consumer of Jockey and I’m looking forward to a great relationship with such a respectable and innovative company.”

  Tim will work with several of Jockey’s product lines, including the NEW Jockey® Staycool collection coming in Spring 2011.

  I wonder if the Tebow Staycool collection, coming out in 2011, will have a built-in chastity belt?  Or if their ad campaign will mention how comfortable they are for running after a train, rainy days, or just standing on the sidelines, holding a clipboard?

   

• You Can Now Add “Art Lover” to Drew Brees’ Resumé

  In Featured, NFL

  

  This past weekend Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints QB, doting father, and all-around terrific guy, was at the Edgewater Mall in Biloxi, Mississippi signing autographs for anyone willing to shell out $150.  One such person was Pascagoula High School art teacher David Magee, who brought along a rather unique item for Brees to put his signature on.

  The item?  A 41-inch tall painting, done by Magee, depicting Brees holding his infant son aloft following the Saints Super Bowl victory.  Magee was willing to fork out the $150 large in the hopes that Brees’ signature, along with a sticker of authenticity, would make the painting worth more when Magee went to sell it.

  Only thing Magee didn’t count on was Drew Brees.

  Brees was so enamored with the artwork, he bought it off Magee on the spot.  The artist declined to say how much Brees paid for it, but did disclose that the sale price included some autographed memorabilia and tickets to a Saints home game.

  “He actually bought it,” Magee said. “I’m still in shock! My painting, my work is going to be a family heirloom for the Brees family.”

  Brees told Magee that he was going to give the painting to his son, which is quite touching, although I’m sure the kid would prefer a poster of Dora the Explorer to hang on his wall.

  As for Magee, maybe he can turn his love of painting athletes into a full-time gig…I’m sure A-Rod is always looking for another representation of himself in centaur form.

  [Gulf Live]

   

• Leave it to Mom to Ruin a Perfectly Good Hockey Fight

  In Featured, NHL

  

  Gotta love these two little mites who drop the gloves during practice, only to have it broken up by mom.  I say she should have let them go, with the winner getting the loser’s post-practice Popsicle.

  With the height differential between the two, it’s reminiscent of a Tie Domi/Bob Probert tilt, without all the ultraviolence and showboating, but way cuter.

   

• Hero Cop’s First Words After Coming Out of Coma? “Derek Jeter”

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Carlos Olmedo is an NYPD officer who had the misfortune of spending 11 days in a coma this past May, the result of being hit by a motorcycle while chasing suspected car thieves.  It was touch and go for a while, and serious concerns arose as to whether Olmedo would ever regain consciousness, let alone live to see another day.

  But he did come out of it, after the aforementioned 11 grueling days, and the Yankees fan uttered but two words after waking up…”Derek Jeter.”

  Upon hearing this, A-Rod began weeping uncontrollably, curled himself up into the fetal position, and could be heard muttering to himself, “Why does no one like me?” (alright, this probably didn’t happen, but with Rodriguez’ ego, you never know)

  Pix 11 News caught wind of the story and contacted Yankees President Randy Levine, who arranged for Olmedo, his family, and his precinct sergeant to come to Yankee Stadium for a meet and greet with the team, and to catch a game, which is a very cool way to honor one of New York’s finest.

  Olmedo and his crew got to meet C.C. Sabathia, A-Rod, manager Joe Girardi, and Jeter himself, who, upon shaking hands with the NYPD officer, told him, “Welcome back.”

  All in all, a pretty great story, considering that Olmedo was so close to death…and say what you will about the Yankees, but this classy gesture on their part shows that the organization, from the President on down to the players, isn’t all about payroll and winning.

  Luckily for Olmedo he’s not a Mets fan, otherwise, coming out of his coma and hearing that Manuel and Minaya are still running the show might have finished him off.

  [WPIX]

   

• Rajon Rondo’s Take on LeBron and the Heat is Fresh, Respected

  In Featured, NBA

  

  Ever since LeBron James announced his intent to sign with the Miami Heat, thus signalling the end of Lebronukkah, fans and oddsmakers everywhere have anointed the Heat the team to beat in the NBA next season.  It isn’t a matter of if the trio of LeBron, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade will win an NBA championship, but rather, how many will they win in their time together.

  Well, everyone that is except Celtics guard Rajon Rondo, whose take on the Heat’s big three is surprisingly refreshing, and loaded with common sense, and who is familiar with the ins and outs of playing with a triumvirate of NBA superstars.

  Asked his opinion on the Miami Heat, Rondo gave this rather blunt answer…

  “They should be good, but they ain’t done nothing yet,” Rondo said after a recent practice during Team USA’s minicamp. “They ain’t done nothing.”

  “What is there to be nervous for?” he said. “I’m worried about L.A. That’s the team we need to beat. Miami looks really good on paper, and I’m sure they’re going to be really good. But they still have to come together as a team. I’m not saying they won’t, but who knows if those guys can jell?”

  Amen brother…amen.

  Rondo’s point about jelling is a good one…although I don’t think chemistry will be an issue amongst the Heat’s big three, considering that they played together for the 2008 Olympic basketball team, and that they were quite chummy prior to LeBron’s decision.  No, I think the Heat’s biggest obstacle will be depth, or lack thereof.  While Miami’s starting five is as good as any starting five in the league, their bench strength is weak, especially when compared to a team like Boston, who has guys like Glen “Big Baby” Davis and Nate Robinson able to play quality minutes off the bench.

  The always confident (dare I say cocky?) Rondo thinks his Celtics, providing their big three can stay healthy, can make it back to the NBA finals, to face, as per Rondo, the LA Lakers, who are, in his opinion (and mine as well), the “team to beat.”  And I have to agree with Rondo on this one.  Sorry Heat fans, but this won’t be your year for a second championship.

  /opens door for Heat fans to rip me in the comments section

  //bring it, lets see what you got

  [Yahoo]

   

• This Week in Familial Litigation: Dad Sues Son Over $128,000 in Cubs Tickets

  In Featured, MLB

  

  I don’t know what’s worse–that a son allegedly ripped off his father for $128,000 worth of Chicago Cubs tickets, or that the father has been reduced to suing his own flesh and blood for damages and reimbursement for the tickets.

  Seeing that they’re Cubs tickets, I’m kind of surprised the dad is that upset…you know, considering the decades of on field futility and ineptitude that have plagued the Chicago Cubs lo these many years.

  The father, Gerald S. Adelman, acquired four season’s tickets from the son of a client way back in 1993.  His son, Stuart F. Adelman, usually handled the purchase of said tickets, with money given to him by his father, who then, rather classily I might add, distributed them among friends and family.  It went this way until 2007, when Stuart left his father’s firm after 18 years.

  For some reason, their arrangement with the Cubs ducats continued–at least on the old man’s end.  The senior Adelman’s suit alleges that Stuart refused to hand over the tickets even though his father had paid for them.  Oh, and the lawsuit also says that Stuart Adelman pocketed a cool $163,000 in insurance commissions after his dad suffered an injury in 2001 and was off work…which, if true, kind of tells you what kind of guy Stuart Adelman really is.

  The elder Adelman is seeking punitive damages and compensation worth $2.5 million for both the Cubs tickets and the insurance fraud.

  [Chicago Breaking Sports via Out of Bounds]