Home / 2010 / August (Page 2)

• Pete Carroll Pulls the Old “Fake Snake in a Cooler” Prank, Hilarity Ensues (Video)

  In Featured, NFL

  
  Seahawks coach Pete Carroll’s list of achievements are as long as my arm–NFL head coach, celebrated philanthropist, noted author, dodger of recruiting violations–so it’s no wonder that the former USC coach would be the one to show the world how to scare the bejesus out of rugged, macho 250-pound football players.

  And all it took was a Gatorade cooler and an exact replica of Greg Oden’s dong, er, a fake rubber snake.

  Video of large men acting like a bunch of sissies after the jump…

  [Seahawks.com]

   

• Want to be an Extra in a Crappy Baseball Movie No One Will See?

  In Featured, MLB

  

  
  
  I sorta promised myself I’d lay off posting anything related to the douchebag formerly known as Jose Canseco, pictured here signing autographs for people who mistook him for Erik Estrada.

  But then I heard about the chance to be an extra in a movie that is filming at Fifth Third Field in Toledo, Ohio, co-starring none other than my favorite admitted juicer/attention whore, and my interest was, as they say, piqued.

  “Home Run Showdown” stars not only Jose Canseco, but his twin brother Ozzie as well, and a bevy of B-list actors whose mere presence in this film guarantees a straight-to-video release. Matthew Lillard (Scooby Doo, Scream), Annabeth Gish (The X-Files), Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show), and Dean Cain (That crappy Superman TV series) are the “stars” you can expect to rub elbows with at this weekends filming at the ballpark.

  I smell Oscars! Or is that the rancid stench of failure? Either or, at least the movie has an intriguing and novel premise never seen before in Hollywood…

  12-year-old Lorenzo Moore, a young baseball player who’s determined to play ball in the local Colt league, joins a team of misfits coached by Joey Deluca that competes against other teams for the chance to shag balls in the upcoming Major League Home Run Derby.

  Uh…huh.

  With apologies to the producers, this movie will be beyond terrible. In fact, I can only think of one way for this movie to have any redeeming quality to it…Gary Freaking Busey.

  You’re welcome.

  [MiLB via SB Nation]

   

• 63-Year-Old Lions Fan Completes 425 Mile Trek to Training Camp…On Foot

  In Featured, NFL

  

  (Clarence Tabb Jr. / The Detroit News)

  Don’t you just hate when people nearly twice your age go and do something that you’d never be able to do, like ever, all because they possess a helluva lot more gumption and determination than you.

  Joe Paquette Jr. is one of those guys.

  The 63-year-old admitted Detroit Lions fan (he should get accolades just for saying that in public) walked from his home in Munising, located in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, to the Lions training camp in Allen Park.  Paquette completed his 425 mile journey in 18 days.

  Despite arthritis in both knees, blistered feet, and seven consecutive days of rain, Paquette persevered, and upon his arrival at the Lions practice facility, had one thing to give to the team.

  Sisu.

  Sisu?

  Sisu.

  “It means perseverance and being able to bounce back from a difficult situation, which we all know the Lions are in,” Paquette said Wednesday. “I said that’s what the Lions need, they need Sisu. But how do you get it down there? Do you send them a letter that ends up in the waste basket?”

  Not by a longshot.  According to Paquette, you do it by walking an average of 25 miles per day, while sleeping at night in your brother-in-law’s motor home.

  Paquette got to meet some of the Lions players after practice, and will be a guest of the team’s at their next preseason game versus Cleveland.  Wait a tick, a 63-year-old guy walks over 400 miles to inspire you, and the best you can do is make him guest of honor at a Browns/Lions game?  Hopefully Sisu lasts longer than one game, because I doubt very highly that the Lions will need it against the woeful Browns.

  And I hate to see good Sisu go to waste.

  [The Detroit News]

   

• Nats Nyjer Morgan Does His Best Albert Belle Impersonation

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Unfortunately Nyjer didn’t channel Belle’s hitting prowess, but rather his penchant for blowing his top and hurling balls at heckling fans…this one time anyway.

  Totally under the radar came the announcement that Morgan, center fielder for the Washington Strasburgs Nationals, was suspended by MLB for seven games after an incident Saturday night in Philadelphia.

  A league official states that Morgan, after an “ongoing dialogue” (aka sh-t talking) with a Phillies fan, threw a ball into the stands at said fan, a la Albert “Joey” Belle.  Too bad his aim wasn’t as good as Belle’s…Morgan ended up hitting a completely different fan.

  As per usual, Morgan appealed his suspension, which was to take effect today, allowing him to remain in the Nationals lineup for tonight’s game against the Cubs.

  So what really happened?  Did Morgan lose his cool and set out to intentionally hurt a Phillies fan the same way Belle did, or was it a friendly bit of jawing between hometown fan and opposing player that ended with a harder than normal toss of a ball as a sign of respect that ended up getting awry?  I’m leaning more towards the former, considering that the poor fan who was hit unintentionally must have had some serious damage done to their grill to warrant a seven game suspension.

  However, I’m going to reserve judgement until Nyjer Morgan tells his side of the story.  You’d think that major leaguers would be immune to the razzing of opposing fans, even ones as notoriously obnoxious as the ones in Philly, but honestly, everyone’s got their breaking point…who’s to say that the Philly fan didn’t find Morgan’s?  And if that’s the case, and Morgan did set out to purposely injure someone by chucking a ball at their head, then seven games is near not enough punishment–I mean, supposed he had hit a kid, or a woman holding a baby.

  Or worse…supposed he had hit the Phillie Phanatic?

  [Washington Post]

   

• The Days of Forgetting Your Kids’ Names on TV is Finally Over

  In Featured, NFL

  

  How dare HBO show up poor, pitiful Antonio Cromartie like that the other night on Hard Knocks.  You try remembering all 8 of your kids names with the glare of the camera lights directly on you–you know you couldn’t do it.

  Well the embarrassment of drawing a blank on national TV whilst trying to remember all the children you sired won’t be a big problem anymore, thanks to the Antonio Cromartie Baby Name Cheatsheet Wristband, courtesy of Tauntr.com.  It’s a perfect gift for the NFL loving father of many who doesn’t have the time or wherewithal to remember all his bastard children’s names.

  I know what Travis Henry’s getting for Christmas this year!

  [TAUNTR via Out of Bounds]

   

• Your Morning Wood for August 25th (Dry Hump Day Edition)

  In Featured, linkgasm

  

  Two questions–is this the longest week ever?  And secondly, is dry humping an underrated sexual activity?  It’s safe, it’s good exercise, it can be done alone, with another person, or in a group, and depending on the material of your underpants, quite satisfying.

  Like I said yesterday…crap meets wall, sticks.

  Let’s break on through to the other side…

  Dude rocking a Tebow jersey, Yankees hat and a serious pair of jorts.  Douchebag. [Busted Coverage]

  Wardrobe malfunction at a women’s rugby match not as appealing as you’d think. [Total Pro Sports]

  Brazilian ref stabs and kills a player during a soccer game.  Beats a red card anytime. [JOCKpost]

  Courtesy of Ted Williams Head, ESPN Jersey Shore.  Having never subjected myself to those tanned morons, I can only assume that this piece is brilliant. [Ted Williams Head]

  Bud Selig immortalized outside of Miller Park.  Think the best pose would be the one where he’s picking his nose, but that’s just me. [Bob's Blitz]

  Chan Gailey is an ornery old coot who gets off on yelling at teenage Bills fans…or so I’m told. [Sportress of Blogitude]

   

• Hawktimus Prime Wants You to Root for the Seahawks, Ignore Copyright Laws

  In Featured, NFL

  

  Fan created videos are all the rage these days, and tend to run the gamut of pretty well done, to downright awful, to just plain bizarre (Matthias anyone?).

  This one falls somewhere in the middle.

  The premise is a simple one–two white guys rapping about their beloved Seahawks.  Truth be told, they’re actually pretty dope rappers, as they drop rhymes about Steve Largent, the ubiquitous 12th man, and such.

  The real star of the video is Hawktimus Prime, a third cousin twice removed of Optimus Prime, who has been programmed to a) cheer exclusively for the Seahawks, b) gather the remaining Seattlebots, and c) get funky.

  Prepare to have your mind blown (just try and ignore the obvious copyright infringement)…

  [H/T to SB Nation]

   

• Ochocinco Out $25,000 for In-Game Twitter Updates

  In Featured, NFL

  

  I don’t know where I stand on Chad Ochocinco.  Sometimes I think he’s good for the league, passionate about football, really just wants to win, and has a sense of humor I find intoxicating (at times).

  On the other hand, there are moments, and lots of them, where I just write the guy off as an egotistical showboat, in it only for his personal glory, and a cancer in the locker room.

  He’s like that girl you’re not sure about dating–some days she looks hot, other days she makes you throw up a little.

  For the most part though I dig Ochocinco, stupid name change and all.  He just needs to stop pulling the stunts that get him in trouble with the league.  Such as updating his Twitter account…during a game.

  That little stunt left the Bengals receiver $25,000 lighter in his rather hefty wallet.

  The NFL is very straightforward in it’s policy on electronic devices and such, and the use of them during games.  Actually, players and coaches are prohibited from using any cell phone, computer, etc. from 90 minuted before kickoff, until after the final whistle blows.  Surely Chad Ochocinco knows this rule..hell, I’m pretty sure it was put in place strictly for him (and a few others).

  But he did it anyway, and it cost him–two payments on his Bugatti to be precise.

  

  Was he kidding?  Probably, but with Ochocinco, who really knows.  I’d like to think that with his money he could buy a Bugatti outright, but maybe the financing was too good to pass up.  If it was a joke, it was a pretty damn good one.

  And if it wasn’t a joke…well, at least he learned his lesson.

  [H/T to Chicago Breaking Sports]

   

• Worst…Catch…Ever

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Was it really just four days ago that we witnessed quite possibly the best catch of a foul ball in the history of foul ball catching?  Maybe having that dude’s spectacular one-handed grab fresh makes this piss-poor effort all that more terrible.

  And terrible it is.

  Nice hand-eye coordination preppy.  What, did you lose the ball in your green monogrammed polo shirt, LL Bean khakis and striped boxers?  At least you had the sense of putting your drink down before your horrible attempt at snagging that foul ball.  If you had done this AND spilled your beer, I’d have to find you and force you to turn in your man card.

  Speaking of man cards, chances are that guy to the left of Captain Butterfingers doesn’t have one.  Seriously, the guy looks like he’s a gay virgin who’s just caught a glimpse of his first (and last) vagina.  EWWWWW!!!!

  [H/T to The Sportress of Blogitude]

   

• Your Morning Wood for August 24th (Slippery Nipple Edition)

  In Featured, linkgasm

  

  If 40 is the new 30, then Tuesday is the new Monday.  Hey, most times I just throw some crap at the wall and see if it sticks.

  That stuck…sorry.

  I have seen the nipple on your soul…

  Guy loses arm wrestling match, goes apeshit with his truck and a shotgun.  Sounds reasonable to me. [Sportress of Blogitude]

  5 underrated stories from the NFL for the upcoming season.  [Pardon the Opinion]

  John Cusack and Eddie Vedder to star in a Chicago Cubs inspired movie?  I can smell the suckitude already. [Ted Williams Head]

  Urinal diver at Wrigley Field is the most nauseating thing you’ll see today.  It’s an oldie but a goodie?  It’s awful…just awful. [Bob's Blitz]

  What are they feeding those Japanese ballplayers?  Here’s another amazing Spiderman like catch. [With Leather]

  Farmers lock up your daughters and whores open your legs—Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are officially divorced.  Hey Elin…call me. [The Big Lead]

  Larry Brown Sports rounds up the top 30 MLB franchise players.  Noticeably absent…Jamie Moyer. [Larry Brown Sports]