Home / 2010 / September

• Not All Cincinnati Reds Fans Enjoyed the Team’s Celebratory Cigars

  In Featured, MLB

  Tuesday night the Cincinnati Reds locked up their first NL Central division title in some 15 years.  As is the custom, players, coaches and team execs alike drenched each other in champagne, beer, and pretty well any foaming alcoholic beverage they could get their hands on.

  And like any long awaited celebration, such as a division title or birth of a child, some members of the Reds lit up a celebratory stogie.  Sure it’s a straight up violation of Ohio’s statewide smoking ban, but I’m sure no one would have a problem with the fellas and their cigars.

  Well, no one except five ne’er-do-wells with no sense of purpose in their lives except to rain on anyone and everyone’s parade.

  According to the Cincinnati Health Department, no less than five people called the statewide smoking ban complaint hotline after witnessing the smoking of said cigars in the Reds clubhouse.  Because nothing was as important to those five people at that time than stopping the Reds’ blatant disregard for Ohio state law.

  A spokesman for the Health department said that video cannot be used to punish someone guilty of breaking the smoking law, but instead has to be witnessed in person.  Rocky Merz, the Health department spokesman, also said that under State Law, an investigation of the Great American Ballpark and the clubhouse would have to be undertaken.

  If the health inspector catches someone in the act of smoking at the ballpark, the initial violation would bring a warning.  If it happens a second time, Reds owner Bob Castellini may be fined the incredulous amount of $100. Better start passing around the collection plate there Bob.

  As of yet, Castellini has yet to receive the Health department’s letter informing the Reds owner of the alleged violations.  More than likely nothing will come of this, unless the health inspector happens upon some pissant employee enjoying a 4:20 break in the executive washroom.

  As for the supposed Reds fans who called in the violation, this is why you can’t have anything nice.  Enjoy your other, less successful Ohio teams, ya ingrates.

  [WCPO.com]

   

• A Vancouver Canucks Tooth Tattoo? A Vancouver Canucks Tooth Tattoo

  In Featured, NHL

  

  Not much more that I can add here, except that if that isn’t a Canucks tattoo on a tooth, then it’s the funkiest cavity you’ll ever come across.

  How very apropos that this person would get a tattoo on their tooth, considering how many hockey players have lost so many of their own.

  Unlike other tattoos, if they grow tired of their dental ink, or decide to change their allegiances, getting rid of it is but a yank of the pliers away.

  [In The OT via Larry Brown Sports]

   

• Misprinted Phone Number on Ochocinco’s Cereal Leads to a Phone Sex Line

  In NFL

  

  You know, I can appreciate the fact that Chad Ochocinco is philanthropic enough to donate a portion of sales from his OchocincO’s cereal to the children’s charity, Feed The Children.  That actually looks really good on the Bengals receiver, in my humble opinion.

  But if  you’re also going to include the charity’s phone number on the box for consumers to call and pledge money, maybe someone at the company that makes them might double check that the phone number is correct.  Otherwise you might run into some problems…big problems.

  Like phone sex line problems.  Catch my drift?

  In order to direct consumers to call Feed The Children, boxes of Ochocinco’s cereal had the charity’s phone number, 1-800-HELP-FTC, printed on the box.  Only thing is, FTC’s actual number is 1-888-HELP-FTC.  That other number—yeah, it’s a phone sex line.

  Call it (you know you want to, you friggin’ pervert) and you will be greeted by a woman’s seductive voice, detailing the explicit fun you can expect to be a part of, providing your willing to hand over your credit card number, which I do not recommend.  It gets expensive and quick—trust me, I know…er, or so I’ve heard.

  Ochocinco was quick to deny having a hand in the mix-up.  The company that makes the cereal, Pittsburgh based PLB Sports, is currently investigating the situation.

  [Cincinnati.com

   

• Wedding Party Intro Turned Hockey Fight (Video)

  In Featured, NHL

  

  Not content with the usual, run-of-the-mill wedding reception introductions, Best Man Scott Hall and Maid of Honor Kelly Demakis decided they’d spice things up a bit.

  Their flavor of choice?  A good, old fashioned hockey fight.

  Originally the scheming pair were both going to wear Blackhawks’ jerseys, seeing that they are both big Chicago fans.  But Hall nixed that idea, instead choosing to showcase the rivalry Chicago has with the Detroit Red Wings.

  Being introduced all decked out in jerseys wasn’t enough for these two though, hence the idea for the fight.

  “He said, ‘Well, let’s fight,’” said Demakis, a graphic designer by trade. “He said, ‘Do whatever you want. Don’t hold back.’ And I said, ‘I won’t.’ Because I always wanted to get into a hockey fight, and this was probably my only chance.”

  Video of the scrapping wedding party after the jump…

  Props to Demakis for a) her perfectly executed ragdoll, and b) screaming at Hall to “stay down!”  That is badass, although I have to believe Hall let her win as part of his master plan to hook up with Demakis.  First let her win the faux fight, then ply her with double gin and tonics all night before closing the deal.

  Here’s hoping it went off without a hitch.

  [H/T to Puck Daddy]

   

• Jaguars Kassim Osgood and Friend Have Worst Date Ever

  In Featured, NFL

  

  You know your date has gone downhill fast when you go from spending a quiet night in front of the TV with your best girl to being thrown in the middle of a real-life action movie, complete with pistol whippings, laser sights and gunplay.

  Actually this is how most of my dates end up, but I have a history of making poor choices in women.

  Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Kassim Osgood and Roar cheerleader Mackenzie Rae Putnal were parked in front of the tube when Julian Armond Bartletto, pictured here, burst into the second floor room and accosted the pair.

  With his face covered by a plastic bag, Bartletto (allegedly mind you) pointed a gun at the couple and began screaming “I can’t believe you’re with that guy” at Putnal before dragging her around the room by her hair.

  A plastic bag?  That’s the best disguise this douchebag could come up with?  Where’s the originality, where’s the common sense?  And why didn’t the couple just stall Bartletto long enough for him to pass out?

  He pummeled the terrified cheerleader using both his fists and gun, and also cracked Osgood in the head with his weapon.  The crazed gunman went so far as to hit the dog as well.  I mean really, who hits a dog?

  Putnal managed to escape and while Bartletto went after her, Osgood made his escape, first by jamming a chair under the doorknob to jam it shut, then by leaping out a second floor window to the grass below, before making his way to a neighbors house and calling the cops.

  Now, as spectacular an escape that was, it pales in comparison to what was going on inside the house.  While Osgood was making like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Putnam had gotten hold of her own pistol, complete with laser sight, and engaged in a shootout with Bartletto.  However, even with the aid of the laser sight, both she, and her opponent, failed to hit the target.

  I doubt Bartletto worked a shootout with his ex-girlfriend into his evening plans, so he fled the scene.  Cops caught up to Bartletto at his home and arrested him.  He has been charged with aggravated battery, false imprisonment, armed robbery, burglary and violation of an injunction.

  Osgood, according to head coach Jack Del Rio, is “doing OK.”  The 8-year veteran suffered some minor bruises during the incident, but no major injuries.

  [Jacksonville.com]

   

• Former Janitor’s “Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers” Defense Doesn’t Pan Out

  In Featured, MLB

  

  If you ask me, the one that should be charged with anything is the dumbass Phillies executive who left their $10,500 World Series ring in a goddamn bathroom stall.  Unfortunately no law exists for excessive stupidity and carelessness…otherwise, I’d be on death row.

  Instead Anthony Mobley, a former janitor at Citizens Bank Park who found the ring in the shitter and decided not to return it, was sentenced to three to 23 months in prison for the theft.  Apparently the judge has never heard the old adage, “finders keepers, losers weepers.”

  But he did give Mobley a break, handing him a much lighter sentence than the 24 to 36 months that the prosecuting attorney was asking for, which was nice, especially since Mobley has a prior conviction for a 1974 gang related murder.

  I guess keeping some “found” property isn’t so bad after all.

  [Philly.com]

   

• Yankees Celebrate Playoff Berth Bare Assed and Drunk

  In Featured, MLB

  

  If you’re curious as to why the YES Network’s Kim Jones is making that sourpuss face, take a peek over Joe Girardi’s right shoulder.  Yeah, pretty sure Kim caught a glimpse of that bare ass.  Thankfully the nameless player is facing his locker–last thing we need is to see some Yankee celebratory dong.

  Any guesses as to whose ass that is?  It’s smooth and white, so that rules out CC Sabathia.

  Still, naked man-ass is nothing compared to this disturbing pic of Joba Chamberlain enjoying some champagne bukkake.  At least I hope that’s champagne.

  

  Ummm…yeah.

  Congrats again to the New York Yankees for yet another post season berth, and for cornering the market on slightly erotic celebration photos.

  [H/T for the ass photo to The Couchwarmers via The Big Lead]
  [Joba photo via @JimmyTraina]

   

• Old, Creepy ASU Fan Getting Jiggy With Some Coeds

  In Featured, NCAAF

  

  Old people may come across as sweet and docile for the most part, but get a few brews in them and they turn into this guy…drunk, limber and creepy.

  And not to be trusted.

  Whilst tailgating at the Arizona State/Oregon game this past weekend, our elderly creeper, half-drunk on PBR’s, becomes the center of attention with his sweet dance moves and inappropriate rubbing of some ASU coeds.

  Can’t say that I blame the old guy—I mean, look at those scantily clad girls.  But at his age, shouldn’t he be at home, sitting on his front porch, yelling at kids to get off his lawn until he starts choking on the excess spittle forming at the corners of his mouth?

  You’d think that, wouldn’t you.

  Love how the girls get all playful with him until they realize he’s just like all the other creepers trying to get in their pants, only they aren’t wearing adult diapers.

  Video follows the jump…

  Anyone else think he looks like a cross between Herbert from Family Guy and Don Knotts?

  [H/T to The Big Lead]

   

• Bill Polian on 18-Game Season: Book It…Done

  In Featured, NFL

  

  Listen up people—you can stop all the debating about the benefits/drawbacks of the NFL going to an 18-game season.

  According to Bill Polian, Colts president and member of the competition committee, the NFL will be increasing the regular season schedule by two games, and cutting the preseason by two games, in the very near future.

  Polian, speaking on his weekly radio show, responded to a caller’s question about how close the league was to expanding the season by saying that it was a “fait accompli,” which is French for “something already done and beyond alteration.”

  Doesn’t get much clearer than that, does it?

  As per Polian…

  “I think that the owners, and principally the commissioner, have decided that it’s the way to go, and so the debate, such as it was, is over,” Polian said. “I’ve heard recently, and I’m sorry that this didn’t get more coverage earlier, some really, really interesting commentary on it. … I wish some of that dialogue had taken place earlier.”

  Say Bill, know who hasn’t decided it’s the way to go?  The NFLPA.  And from what I understand, the majority, if not all, the players are against expanding the season.  Many believe that longer seasons equals more injuries, increased wear and tear, and shortened careers.

  Considering the two sides are in the process of trying to hammer out a new collective bargaining agreement, and the possibility of a work stoppage becoming reality, maybe going ahead and approving an 18-game season without the backing of the NFLPA might not be the way to go.

  Just sayin’ is all.

  [IndyStar]

   

• Brandishing a Samurai Sword Over a Baseball Card is Never a Good Idea

  In Featured, MLB, More Sports

  

  You ever have one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong, no matter how hard you try, and you just end up losing it.

  For 59-year-old Michael Burr of Lacey, Washington, today was one of those days.

  If you haven’t quite figured it out yet, that’s Burr there, the one with the really long, and extremely sharp looking samurai sword pointed at the out-of-scene store clerk.

  I figure, if you’re brandishing a sword at convenient store clerk at 6 a.m. there’s gotta be a damn good reason for being so pissed.  Not that there’s really ever a good reason for threatening someone with a deadly weapon…actually, there never is.

  So what got Burr so fired up then?

  Apparently it was a dispute with the store clerk over, wait for it, wait for it…a baseball card.

  Take it to the bridge, KIROTV.com…

  The Sherriff’s Office told KIRO 7 Eyewitness News the 59-year-old man had a dispute with a worker at a convenience store near Lacey over a baseball card. He left the store, returned with the sword and threatened the worker.

  It went downhill from there.  How downhill?  Think SWAT team and tear gas downhill.

  Yeah, this won’t end well…

  The Thurston County SWAT team fired tear gas into the house, said reporter Richard Thompson. The man threw a sword out of the house after that.

  Burr began smashing windows once the tear gas got to him, eventually coming out of the house and surrendering to authorities, who immediately began to douse the delusional man with water to remove said tear gas.

  Word is that Burr, a U.S. Postal Worker, had recently been suspended from his job, and had begun to act erratically, this according to his neighbors.

  A samurai sword, a SWAT team and some tear gas—seems like an awful lot of hassle just for a 2010 Topps Gary Matthews Jr. Mets card.

  [Screen grab courtesy of KIROTV.com]