Derek Dooley Cleans Up the Tennessee Football Program…Literally

For University of Tennessee head football coach Derek Dooley, trying to clean up the mess left by Lane Kiffin turned out to be a monumental task.  So Dooley started from ground zero when it came to educating his players.

Now, if you’re thinking that Dooley went back to the drawing board and started preaching fundamentals to his team, followed by some X’s and O’s on the old blackboard, you are way, way off.

Nope, Dooley went even further back to teach his players something that their mamas should have taught them a long time ago.

He gave them all a very important lesson…on how to properly clean themselves.

But wait—before you go thinking that it’s awfully strange for a grown man to teach other grown men the proper art of washing yourself—there’s a method to Dooley’s hygienic madness.

Seems there has been a bit of an issue with staph infections among the players, and sensing that this was a growing problem that needed to be nipped in the bud, Dooley decided it was time for a little re-education in cleaning.

“We’ve had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag,” Dooley said. “We put some new rags in — y’all think I’m kidding, but I’m serious.”

“We had, I told them, the worst shower discipline of any team I’ve ever been around. So we talked a little bit about application of soap to the rag and making sure you hit all your body. You know, you can neglect it trying to cut corners, and it shows in how you practice and elsewhere. I’m hoping we show some improvement in that.”

That’s right Tennessee fans—your team has the worst shower discipline Derek Dooley has ever seen.  For shame!  How can you expect to compete in the vaunted SEC if you can’t even clean your asses thoroughly?

No word on whether Dooley actually stripped down and demonstrated proper scrubbing and rinsing technique to his team, but at least his little impromptu clinic was a better idea than having his players do some field research on the subject.  Because that would be uncomfortable for everyone.



About the author: Jeff Greenwell


Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.



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