Home / 2010 / September (Page 2)

• Eddy Curry All Eddy Curryish at Knicks Training Camp

  In Featured, NBA

  
  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the New York Knicks might have finally turned the corner and gotten rid of the ineptness that has plagued the team for the last 10 years or so.

  New players to match Mike D’Antoni’s up-tempo scheme, a renewed sense of optimism, and the washing away of the last remaining stink of the Isiah Thomas years have got the Knicks and their long suffering fan base feeling better than they have in years.

  Then there’s Eddy Curry.

  The “Round Mound of Very Few Rebounds” (made that one up myself) is single-handedly taking the fervored optimism out of the Knicks training camp with his sloth-like effort and Chris Farley-esque physique.

  It’s nice to know some things never change.

  Lay the smack down, New York Times…

  Through two days of practice, Curry has been relegated to the third unit, with the rookies and free-agent invitees. He has slogged through drills. On Saturday night, he was lapped by an entire group of players as they weaved through cones around the court.

  Hey, what do you expect from the guy.  It’s not like the Knicks are paying Curry $11.3 million this year or anything.  Oh…right.

  Getting lapped by an entire group of players as you weave through cones is just brutal.  I’m sure that has nothing to do with Curry’s size and/or conditioning.

  The setback was almost predictable. Curry reported to camp weighing 325 pounds — a 20-pound increase since April — according to a person in the organization.

  Team officials had asked Curry to come back closer to 300 pounds. They also asked him to attend voluntary workouts in July and September. Curry never showed. He was the only player not to attend voluntary workouts and scrimmages this month.

  How very JaMarcus Russell of him.  Of course he didn’t show for the voluntary workouts.  It’s not like the Knicks are paying him $11.3 million this year or anything.

  Ah, at least Curry had a good reason for not attending said workouts in July—the birth of his son.  I will actually take Big Eddy’s side on this one.  But from what I can remember, babies sleep a lot, like 16 hours a day or close to it.  Surely there was time for Curry to partake in some workouts on his own…no?

  He said he stayed in New York for two months last spring but chose to work out on his own over the summer, with a trainer in Ocean City, N.J.

  “It’s just what I wanted to do,” he said last week.

  Worst…trainer…ever.  Seriously, what did this guy train Curry to do, move the refrigerator into the living room so he wouldn’t have to walk so far for snacks?  Curry’s quote pretty well sums up his devotion to the Knicks.  Way to think of your team their big guy.

  Cheer up Knicks fans.  Sure Curry is a oafish lout with no heart, and yes the Knicks are going to be paying this lazy, lazy person $11.3 million to sit on the bench and bloat, but Curry’s contract is up at the end of the season.  Once he’s off the roster, the Knicks turnaround towards respectability will be complete.

  [New York Times via Ball Don't Lie, Image via]

   

• Your Morning Wood for September 27th

  In Featured, linkgasm

  

  It’s finally back after a much too long hiatus, here for your perusing pleasure is Your Morning Wood, LAF’s daily link dump.

  It’s hip, it’s now, it’s happening.

  On a personal note, made an awesome road trip this weekend to Beaver Stadium to see Joe Paterno and Penn State take on the Temple Owls.  Great time, great venue, great friends.  Suck on that hosebags.

  Now go home and get your f–kin’ shinebox...

  First person ever tased at a University of Iowa sporting event is an Army vet? [Busted Coverage]

  Yeah, New Mexico might want to rethink that whole D-1 football thingy. [Legend of Cecilio Guante]

  Wonder what else Bing Crosby has hidden in his basement.  [Ted Williams Head]

  Here are 9 athletes who seriously rocked the sports goggles.  I salute you, Chris Sabo. [TotalProSports]

  Stanford player scores offensive and defensive TD’s 13 seconds apart.  I don’t care who you are, that is impressive. [Bob's Blitz]

  “Giant” Gonzalez died this weekend at age 44.  Is it poor form that I had to use Google to find out who the hell he was? [The Big Lead]

  Mike Fisher appears in new bride Carrie Underwood’s latest video.  I like Underwood and all, but that is too sickeningly sweet for my liking. [Sportress of Blogitude]

  KSU-UCF game halted by storm clouds from hell.  The pics are freaking amazing. [Sports By Brooks]

  In honor of the 20th anniversary of one of the best mob movies ever, Goodfellas, here’s a remake of one of the film’s most pivotal scenes…as done by The Simpsons.

  Classic.

   

• Marlins Rookies Getting Hazed is Disturbingly Hilarious

  In Featured, MLB

  

  The season’s winding down, you’re coming off a 7-1 loss to the Milwaukee Brewers, and it’s now time to hop on a flight bound for Atlanta for an upcoming 3-game series with the Braves.

  Why not haze a few rookies then?

  That’s what Wes Helms and a few of the other Florida Marlins veterans decided to do to rooks Logan Morrison, Scott Cousins, Mike Stanton and 10 others before boarding their flight to Atlanta.

  Most were decked out as women, but Stanton and Jose Ceda were dressed up like babies, complete with bibs, an oversized pair of diapers for Ceda, and a lovely pink onesie for Stanton.

  Most disturbing outfit hands down was Morrison’s Baywatch-esque lifeguard outfit.  Words won’t do it justice, so hold tightly to your heterosexuality and have a peek (NSFW if your boss has issues with mounds of fake pubes).

  

  Anyone else find that somewhat attractive, or is it just me?  It’s just me isn’t it?  Curse me and my repressed psycho-sexual problems.

  Finally, here’s hoping that pro teams continue on with this type of traditional rookie hazing, because seeing hairy, lumpy men dressed as ugly women will never be unfunny…ever.

  [SunSentinel.com]

   

• Gators Safety Runs Over Poor Guy in Wheelchair

  In Featured, NCAAF

  

  Yeah I know, it seems pretty callous of me to make light of a dude in a wheelchair getting run over by a football player but hey, on this site we exclude no one from my scornful ridiculing.

  I would like to think that our handicapable friend here would respect that sort of equality.  That’s what I tell myself at least—helps me sleep at night.

  The unfortunate incident happened Saturday during No. 9 Florida’s dismantling of the Kentucky Wildcats.  Final score was 48-14, but in my opinion, the play of the game was the fine tackle made by Gators safety Will Hill.

  Hill, coming over to provide help to his cornerback, has his momentum carry him out of bounds, and into the path of our fella in the wheelchair.  Poor bastard can see Hill coming and there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

  Video of the uncomfortably funny moment after the jump…

  And in handy-dandy GIF form…

  

  And if you’re feeling bad because you derived some perverse pleasure out of watching some dude in a wheelchair get leveled, you can take solace in the fact that it looks like the guy isn’t badly hurt.

   

• Video of Aroldis Chapman Bringing 105 mph Heat

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Yes, I said 105 MILES PER HOUR.  That is some wicked heat, and also gives Chapman of the playoff bound Reds the distinction of having thrown the fastest recorded pitch in a major league game.  I’ll say the pitch was a fastball, but remember, I’m no expert.

  Video after the jump.

  That…was…impressive.

  Anyone else think that throwing that hard that one day Chapman’s going to let a pitch fly and his arm will just detach itself from his body and hit the batter?

   

• Bryce Harper Just Got a Lot More Unlikeable

  In Featured, MLB

  

  There’s really not much to like about Nationals wunderkind Bryce Harper, judging by all the stories of his massive ego, self-aggrandizing and sense of entitlement.

  Or as one scout put it, Harper is “one of the worst amateur players he’s ever seen from a makeup standpoint, with top-of-the-scale arrogance, a disturbingly large sense of entitlement, and on-field behavior that includes taunting opponents.”

  In other words…hey Bryce, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!

  Know what else Bryce Harper is?

  A front-running douchebag.

  In a recent interview, Harper revealed his favorite sports teams, all of them the most polarizing teams in the game.

  • He likes the Dallas Cowboys
  • He likes the LA Lakers
  • He likes the New York Yankees
  • He likes Texas football
  • He likes Duke basketball

  Bryce, you had me at hello…and Duke.

  Harper didn’t give any reasoning for his choice in teams, save the Cowboys.  He roots for Dallas because, as he puts it, “they were always a winner when I was growing up,” and that he “loves their uniforms. They’re just a pretty team.”  As Dan Steinberg of D.C. Sports Bog points out, the Cowboys last won a title when Harper was all of 4-years-old (granted, in a later interview he does say that his Dad rooted for the Cowboys, so he gets a pass for that).

  The rest of his choices?  Weaksauce…total weaksauce.

  Other things Harper likes?

  • choice of deity?  God
  • favorite superpower?  USA (with China a close second)
  • favorite cheese?  American
  • favorite company?  Microsoft
  • favorite baseball player?  Bryce Harper

  Maybe Harper really is baseball’s LeBron James.

  [H/T to The Nationals Enquirer]

   

• ESPN to Bring You More LeBron Coverage, Whether You Like it or Not

  In Featured, NBA

  

  Look me in the eye and tell me, honestly, that you did not see this coming.  You had to know that the hard-on ESPN has for LeBron James couldn’t have died down after the airing of “The Decision,” that hour long, self-indulgent piece of crap that aired on July 8th.

  ESPN demands satisfaction, and they don’t care how many viewers they piss off to get it.

  Which is why they’ve decided you need even more of LeBron and his massive ego in your life, and they’re bringing the action directly to your television.

  How you ask?

  By providing full blown coverage of James’ first Miami Heat training camp.  ESPN is sending analysts Jalen Rose, Jon Barry and Josh Elliot to South Beach for “continuous surveillance across ESPN platforms.”

  Anyone else feeling just a little nauseous?

  Give it to me straight USA Today’s Michael Hiestand, I can take it…

  ESPN will formally announce Wednesday that it’s going to training camp with James’ Miami Heat, with its coverage likely to outdo anything it did on Brett Favre’s annual summer soul-searching.

  Considering how over-the-top ESPN went with it’s Favre coverage, that’s a pretty bold statement.  Not sure if I want them to meet those expectations—I’m still recovering from Favreapalooza 2010.

  While senior coordinating producer Mark Summer isn’t sure ESPN will get practice video, the mission is clear with a team he says has unbelievable story lines. “Obviously, with all the buzz, it’s a bigger deal (than) past NBA training camps,” he says. “Fans want to hear about the Heat, so we’ll want to rampup the coverage.”

  Little to no practice video?  What pray tell is ESPN planning to show?  A Miami Heat boggle tournament?  Pat Riley’s monthly hair oil change?  Udonis Haslem’s court appearances?

  Who am I kidding?  It’s going to be all LeBron all the time, with D-Wade and Chris Bosh providing the occasional cameo appearance.  Riley, Haslem and the rest of the team will be nothing but an afterthought—filler material if you will.

  But would you expect anything different from a guy who owns a t-shirt like this…

  

  [Top Image via, Lower Image via]

   

• The 7 Best Athlete vs. Fan Takedowns

  In Featured, MLB, NFL

  
  
  While Braves outfielder Matt Diaz’s leg sweep takedown of the 17-year-old douchebag covered head-to-toe in red spandex was subtle yet effective, it was still, in a way, anti-climatic. Sure, Diaz got the job done by tripping up Red Man long enough for the Keystone cops Citizens Bank park security personnel to capture their man, but really, couldn’t he have been a bit more forceful?

  You know, like these guys…

  7. Cricket Player Andrew Symonds Takes Out a Streaker (NSFWish)

  Running on the field of play during a game is stupid in it’s own right—doing so naked is the pinnacle of idiocy. Especially when the players you’re running into are armed with cricket wickets.

  Nice shoulder block…who needs a bat when you’ve got technique like that. Symonds should have followed with a whack to the balls if you ask me. I’ve got new-found respect for cricket players after that display.

  6. Fan Jumps Into the Ring During WCW Event

  We all agree that wrestling is fake, and nothing more than oily strongmen engaging in a tête-à-tête of well choreographed athleticism. Fake that is, until some moron jumps the ropes in the middle of the match.

  Then that shit gets real, and fast.

  Wait, wait, wait. Two hulking behemoths in the ring, and the fan gets dropped by 175-pounds of referee? It’s obvious that ref Mark Curtis has been paying attention—notice the perfectly executed knee drop, followed by a submission guillotine choke hold?

  Well done Mr. Curtis…well done indeed.

  5. Rob Ray Pummels Fan

  Ever wonder what the most one-sided hockey fight in history is?

  It’s Rob Ray and the Buffalo Sabres bench versus this clearly disturbed fan who though it would be a good idea to jump on the ice and taunt the Sabres bench.

  Don’t quote me on this, but I think Rob Ray cleanly landed about 15 rights to that guy’s head. Like one YouTube commenter said, “Gave him so many rights, he was begging for a left.”

  4. Hockey Ref Takes Out Fan

  You’d think that if you’re jumping on the ice during a game, the only real worry you have would be a) security, or b) pissed off players.

  This guy learned about c) angry refs the hardest way possible.

  Bam! That just happened. That guy was about 6 inches from being hammered headfirst into the end boards, where the consequences would have been more devastating than a charge of trespassing. The ref should have given himself a game misconduct on that hit, or at least a 5-minute major for boarding.

  Me, I give him a virtual high-five for a kickass takedown. This proves once again that refs are not to be trifled with.

  3. Batboy Tackles Fan

  When players aren’t willing to get their hands dirty to help security corral a fan on the field, somebody’s gotta step up for the good of the game.

  In this case, that person was the batboy.

  Watch his tackle of a crazed fan during a Twins/Red Sox game.

  Beautiful. Terry Tate, office linebacker, couldn’t have done a better job. If there’s a batboy of the year award, this guy should have it named after him.

  2. Tie Domi Takes on a Philly Fan

  Hey look, more hockey! And it’s a Philly fan to boot. For all the whining the Philadelphia faithful do about being portrayed in a negative light, they sure seem to get in a lot of unnecessary trouble at sporting events (kid gets tasered, booing Santa Claus, intentionally vomiting on 11-year-old kids).

  Then there’s this chubby fellow, who fell into the Toronto Maple Leafs penalty box, where he was nicely greeted by former Leafs tough guy Tie Domi and his waiting fists.

  I’m sure that’s the first time that linesman Kevin Collins had to break up a fight in the penalty box.

  1. Steelers LB James Harrison Slams Cleveland Browns Fan

  This Cleveland Browns fan gets to experience what it’s like to be sacked by Steelers LB James Harrison. Can’t imagine what he was thinking, running onto a field of 250-pound testosterone producing beasts…chances are, he wasn’t thinking at all.

  Surprised to hear that alcohol was involved. Isn’t alcohol usually involved when fans engage in this sort of ridiculous behavior? Apparently dude was out of his mind drunk, which probably meant he didn’t feel much pain at the time, but I’m guessing he was feeling the effects of James Harrison’s body slam the next day.

  Insult to injury—he was banned from the stadium for life.

   

• Philly Paper’s Michael Vick Headline is Cheeky, To Say The Least

  In Featured, NFL

  

  I see what you did there Philadelphia Daily News—using that not-so-thinly veiled reference to Vick’s sordid past to trumpet Andy Reid’s stunning reversal in naming Vick the Eagles starting QB over Kevin Kolb was both cheeky and clever.

  To take a page from your book…you sly dogs you.

  But hey, when your starting QB has served time for running a dog fighting ring and the inhumane killing of said animals, these jokes just write themselves.

  As long as Vick remains the starter, expect the Daily News and other publications to churn out the dog jokes on a semi-regular basis.  Here’s a few suggestions, courtesy of yours truly…

  1. Vick Leads Eagles to Win in Real Dogfight
  2. Reid Calls Out Vick, Accuses QB of Dogging It
  3. It’s a Dog-Eat-Dog World and Vick’s Wearing a Milkbone Jockstrap
  4. Vick Proves an Old Dog Can Learn New Tricks
  5. Vick Tortured and Killed Dogs, Leads Eagles to Playoff Victory

  You’re welcome.

  [Philadelphia Daily News via PFT]

   

• Soon-To-Be Fired Mets Manager Not Happy With Soon-To-Be Hired Mets Manager

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Somebody want to inform the recently unemployed Joe Torre that as of right now the Mets managerial job is not vacant.  Well, not yet anyway.

  Torre, the former Mets/Yankees/Dodgers skipper was back at Yankee Stadium for the unveiling of George Steinbrenner’s memorial at Monument Park.  ESPN New York asked Torre if he might be interested in the (more than likely) soon-to-be vacant Mets job.

  “No question” was Torre’s response if he would ever come back to Flushing.  He followed that up by telling WFAN that “I am curious. When the season is over, I hope the phone will be ringing.”

  That’s assuming that current Mets manager Jerry Manuel will be canned.  That’s a pretty safe assumption, given the team’s lacklustre performance under Manuel these last three seasons.

  But Manuel hasn’t been told by Fred Wilpon or any of the other head office gang that his services will no longer be required on or shortly after October 3rd.  Until he hears otherwise, Manuel is still the man in charge of the Mets…and he’s none to happy with Torre and his comments.

  “That’s not integrity,” he said before today’s game against Florida. “That’s what you hope to find in those high-profile positions, such as this.”

  “I find it also curious when someone comments about a job that someone already has,” Manuel said. He added, “I don’t know him from a personal basis. But when things like that come out, or are said, you question the integrity. That’s what comes to my mind.”

  It’s hard not to blame Manuel for getting his back up—he’s a dead man walking.  And Torre is there to help his widow, the Mets, pick up the pieces, as it were.

  UPDATE: On Tuesday Torre publicly apologized to Manuel for his remarks, going so far as to suggest he’s done as a manager in baseball for good.  “I am closing the door on managing the Mets and probably everybody else,” Torre told ESPN Los Angeles.  Whether he means it or not is anybody’s guess, although I can’t see Torre going to the Mets and jeopardizing the love the Yankees fans have for him.

  [NJ.com]