Florida Man Files For Restraining Order Against Obama, Jesus Christ, and Tim Tebow

What do President Obama, Jesus Christ, and Broncos QB Tim Tebow have in common, other than they are three people who have never been in my kitchen?

Answer:  All three were named in petitions for injunction for protection against repeat violence last week by one man, John D. Gilliand of Gainesville, Florida.

Gilliand claims, and quite sensibly I might add, that he feels threatened by Obama, Jesus, and Tebow, and that all three are in gangs and/or have made gang symbols at him.  I knew there was more to the sign of the cross than those dastardly priests were letting on.

Filing for a restraining order against Obama can maybe be understood, especially if Gilliand is a staunch Republican, and even seeking protection against Christ might make sense if our man is an atheist…and certifiably insane.

But Tebow?  He’s as pure as new fallen snow, and as fine and dandy as sour candy.  I mean hell, the guy circumcised hundreds of Filipino infants while in college.  Why him John?

Why him indeed…

Gilliand explained in Alachua County court records that he felt threatened by Tebow, Obama and Jesus.

“I was trespassed from the Kangaroo Gas Station on University for saying T-Bo sucks,” Gilliand wrote in the petition for injunction for protection against repeat violence against Tebow.

Unfortunately for Gilliand some irrational judge denied all three petitions the same day they were filed.  But fear not, for our man Gilliand has filed a supplemental affidavit against Tebow and Obama to get the court to reconsider a restraining order.  Apparently Gilliand considers it redundant to file another restraining order against Jesus, what with Tebow being Christ’s Earth-bound equivalent and all.

John D. Gilliand, keep fighting the good fight, no matter how ridiculous and misguided it is.

[Orlando Sentinel via Deadspin]


About the author: Jeff Greenwell


Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.

Website: http://lastangryfan.com


Editor's Picks


More Sports


Post of the Week




Best Of The Web