Frustrated Bengals Fan Auctioning Off His Allegiance on eBay

OK, so your team didn’t make the NFL playoffs again—so what.  No big deal right?  So you have to sit back and hope management makes all the proper offseason moves to get your team to the promised land, or at least headed in the right direction.

We all can’t be fans of the Patriots, Steelers or Ravens, or any other moderately successful team that’s at least tasted the post-season in the last decade, can we?

But even if your team is mired in what seems a lifetime of suckitude, you tough it out and stick with them.  That’s what makes you a true, diehard fan.

Or you could be like this guy and sell your allegiance, and ultimately your soul, to a shiny new (and successful) team.Brett Kostoff is a 28-year-old, lifelong Bengals fan, which means he’s suffered a lifetime of pain the likes of which most men have never seen.  But he’s had enough—enough of the ineptitude under Mike Brown, enough of the lack of playoff success, enough of the hideous uniforms—to the point where he’s auctioning off his football allegiance on eBay.

Bidding started at $19.95, and currently sits at $631.  The cash Kostoff makes off the auction will go to purchasing the gear (hats, jerseys, etc.) of his new favorite team.

As per the eBay auction

Where do I begin? I’m 28 years old born and raised in the worst NFL City in the history of the league. Cincinnati – home of the Bungals. I have a wife and 2 children, live the normal life own a home work 40 hours a week. I have cheered my whole life for the Bengals, but cannot continue to support an organization that simply doesn’t care about winning and is only in this league due to financial reasons. We have the worst owner in the history of sports. His dad was a good man and won some games for the city of Cincinnati. I guess that is a good enough reason to continue to torture a city and a die-hard fan like myself. Well I have come to the conclusion that I will not suffer anymore. I’m looking for bids to become a fan of your city’s NFL team. All proceeds will go to my new team’s gear (hats, hooded sweatshirts, jersey’s), I will not take one penny for my own personal use…strictly apply it to be able to support my new team.

So, what does Kostoff bring to the table?

  • 16 Weeks of everything I got on gamedays!
  • My facebook image will be of my new team for the entire NFL Season
  • I will yell at the TV on average 5-10 times a game (# subject to lower due to your team HAS to be better than the Bengals)
  • I usually stand up on 3rd downs (if my team gets it’s followed by a fist pump, if my team doesn’t get it I usually punch the throw pillow)
  • I will study our draft picks for at least 2 months after the draft so I can pretty much defend them no matter what kind of fan I talk too.

And a bunch of other useless crap that I’m too lazy to copy and paste here.  Basically for $631, a figure which will probably be much higher when the auction ends in five days, you get a football fan—nothing more, nothing less.

Kostoff has but one stipulation—the Buffalo Bills, Detroit Lions and Cincinnati Bengals (duh) need not apply, as they have all proven to care less about winning than most teams.

Hey, I can see where Kostoff is coming from.  Not that I would ever be so shameless as to sell my allegiance to a rival football team like he’s doing, but I can understand why he would undertake such a thing.  You don’t like your wife, you get divorced.  Movie stinks, you leave.  Football team is a pathetic waste of humanity with no real future or prospects—you switch teams.

Or you stick it out through the dark days in the hopes that one day your beloved team can taste the sweet wine of success, and you can bask in it’s fruity goodness—-like most true sports fans would do.



About the author: Jeff Greenwell


Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.



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