The Tampa Bay Rays plan on giving away this half-Don Zimmer, half-teddy bear monstrosity, known affectionately as “Zim Bear,” during the upcoming major league season. If for some reason you wish to scar your children for life, or are looking for that special gift for your family dog to gnaw on, then make sure you find your way to Tropicana Field for the June 29 game against the Tigers in order to get your hands on one.
I think the Rays could have gotten away with just a Don Zimmer doll, rather than this rather disturbing creation. Making Zimmer into a hybrid teddy bear won’t make him any more cuddly and lovable. I’m pretty sure the 81-year-old coach has that market cornered, despite the protestations of one Pedro Martinez.
Oh, and if this abomination wasn’t nightmare fuel enough, get a load of Zim Bear’s prominent camel toe. Now, not only do you have to worry about that thing coming to life while you sleep, but you also have to fear having the image of Zim Bear’s camel toe burned in your brain.