Home / Articles posted by Jeff Greenwell (Page 229)

• Donovan McNabb Gets The Last Word in Against Philadelphia

  In Featured, NFL

  
  
  For all the hype, all the emotion, all the whatever, Donovan McNabb’s return to Philadelphia as a member of the Washington Redskins was really kind of anti-climatic. Sure the Skins won 17-12, and sure the Eagles could have won the game at the very end of regulation if only WR Jason Avant could catch a football, but McNabb was pretty ineffective on the day, only completing 8 of 19 passes for 125 yards, one touchdown and one interception.

  But in the NFL, a win is a win, and Skins coach Mike Shanahan gave the game ball to his QB, who then had some words on what defines team, how much he appreciated the defense, how the offense is going to get it together (starting with him), and one final thing that will most likely make its way to the Eagles locker room bulletin board before long.

  Video of McNabb’s post-game speech after the jump…

  Just in case the NFL takes this down (and you know they will, bunch of killjoys), McNabb’s final comment was “Everybody makes mistakes in [their] lifetime, and they made one last year! So…thank you.”

  There you go Philadelphia…it’s on like Donkey Kong. Can’t wait to see how they respond when the Iggles travel to D.C. on the 15th of November.

  [H/T to D.C. Sports Bog]

   

• Guess Who Kobe Thinks Would Win a Game of One-on-One With LeBron?

  In Featured, NFL

  

  Say what you want about Kobe Bryant, the man doesn’t lack for confidence.

  Bryant was across the pond in jolly old England to help open the London School of Basketball when he was asked by a reporter who he thought would win in a one-on-one contest between him and King James.

  No shock that Kobe said himself.  If he would have said “LeBron would kick my ass every day and twice on Sunday,” then that would be shocking.  Still, you have to love his rather blunt answer to the question…

  “I’d win, I’d win,” Bryant said matter-of-factly. “That’s what I do. One on one … that’s easy for me, you know. Playing one on one is how I grew up playing; it’s like my thing. LeBron is more like a Magic Johnson; he’s a great passer and plays an all-around game. At the core of me, I’m a one-on-one player. I’d do that in my sleep.”

  Video of Kobe’s answer after the jump…

  Yeah, gotta go with Kobe on this one.

  Expect this soundbite to get a lot of play in the days leading up to the Lakers Christmas Day clash with LeBron’s Miami Heat.  Hopefully these two will matchup in the game enough times so that we can answer that question ourselves.

  [LA Times]

   

• Welsh Brewery Rolls Out Tiger Woods Inspired Ale

  In Featured, More Sports

  

  Leave it to the fine people of Wales to go out of their way to make us Yanks feel more comfortable as guests in their beautiful country.

  Well, at least they did something nice for one member of the U.S. Ryder Cup team anyway.

  The Welsh brewery Vale of Glamorgan came up with an extra special beer to honor our own Tiger Woods as he participates in this year’s Ryder Cup, the cleverly titled “Tiger Would.”  Not sure if Eldrick is much of a beer drinker, but the brewmasters at VoG have certainly piqued my interest by combining three of my favorite things into one neat little package—beer, cleavage and golf.

  As for Tiger, like that rotund seventies rocker Meatloaf used to say, “two out of three ain’t bad.”

  Sure the buxom blond on the bottle would surely catch Woods’ eye, but I doubt the dour golfer would appreciate the subtle humor of the ale that pokes fun at his philandering ways.

  Or would he?  (ummm…no)

  But don’t tell that to brewer Dave Waldeoff, who thinks that “if Tiger Woods saw it, I would hope he would still have a sense of humour after all he has been through.”   Still?  When did Woods ever have a sense of humor?  The only joke I’ve heard Woods tell was the time he claimed he was Buddhist during that gag press conference earlier this year.  Wait…that was real?  Carry on then.

  If you’re interested, here’s VoG’s description of their Tiger inspired ale…

  Here at VoG we often come up with special beers for important sporting occasions, and this year’s Ryder Cup is no exception. Tiger Would is our unofficial brew in honour of one of the world’s leading golfing competitions, and we’re sure you will like its nutty malt flavour and long spicy hop finish. The first casks of the beer were sold this week, and there has been a lot of interest from not only local pubs but from as far afield as California! Only 6,000 pints of the beer will be made but it will be stocked in pubs around the Vale of Glamorgan, Cardiff and Newport.The beer will also soon be available to buy online in limited edition bottles.

  So, the beer has a nutty malt flavor and long spicy hop finish?  I just assumed it would taste like a healthy combination of bitter shame and Ambien.

  [H/T to Out of Bounds]

   

• This “Commemorative” Cubs DVD Would be a Best Seller if Only it Existed

  In Featured, MLB

  

  Yes Cubs fans, it’s that time of year again.  The end of another season of baseball is nigh, and your beloved Chicago Cubs are closing in on yet another season of abject futility.

  What better way to relieve the horror that was the 2010 season than through this commemorative DVD, aptly titled “Chasing Pittsburgh (Playing Baseball in Confusion & Mediocrity).”*

  *Not sold in stores…or anywhere, since it’s totally fake.  Hilarious, but fake.

  Yeah, although it’s an amusing premise, and the “commercial” for the commemorative DVD is equally as funny, no such product exists.  To which I say, won’t someone think of the children?  And by children I mean me, and the millions of other non-Cubs fans who would love to bask in the seemingly bottomless pit of schadenfreude that is the Chicago Cubs.

  Totally fake commemorative DVD commercial after the jump (the DVD is fake, the commercial is real…I think).

  Well played gentlemen, you had me at Alfonso Soriano’s 57 miscues.

  $19.99 is a great price, even moreso when you throw in the hammock and straight jacket, but I think I’ll wait for the box set that also includes the Mets, Pirates, Royals, and the bonus DVD featuring the Jim Hendry, Omar Minaya, Ed Wade and Dayton Moore circle jerk.

  [H/T to Hot Clicks]

   

• ESPN Planning on Channel Aimed at Women, Effeminate Men

  In Featured, MLB, More Sports, NBA, NFL

  

  And they shall call it “espnW,” and it will cater to the female audience, and it will be theirs and theirs alone.

  And it will be dull as hell.

  ESPN, always on the lookout for ways of increasing potential viewership, is looking at tapping into that market that finds sports a general waste of time…women.

  Please don’t infer from that that there aren’t women out there who enjoy sports as much as men, because we all know there are.  But looking at the numbers, men enjoy ESPN and it’s sister channels 3-times more than women do.

  Or, as ESPN vice president Laura Gentile explains it…

  ESPN’s own research finds “women see us as an admirable brand that has authority. But they see us as their father’s brand, or husband’s brand, or boyfriend’s brand. They recognize it’s not theirs”

  That’s somewhat logical thinking, in a double XX chromosome kind of way.

  The plan, according to tWWL, is to start the sub-brand as a blog, before determining whether it can stand alone as its own network.

  But what, pray tell, would “espnW’ televise, as far as sporting events go, since studio talk shows are out as they comprise the lowest rated programs among women viewers?

  As USA Today tells it, nothing worthwhile…

  Men account for 76% of ESPN’s overall viewership. And just two types of programming it produces draws majority-female audiences: The National Spelling Bee on ABC (63% female) and cheerleading shows on ESPN2 (52%) — with ESPN2′s Wimbledon coverage in third place with 48%.

  No offense to the fans of these particular “sporting” events, but that is just dreadful, dreadful programming.  But it could be worse, especially if ESPN acts on the findings of their research on how women follow sports.

  ESPN’s research, says Gentile, suggests women don’t see following sports as a “passive activity” as much as men do, so espnW “should take a more active approach, showing sports but also talking about working out and being healthy and connecting to other women.”

  Spelling bees?  Cheerleading competitions?  Women sitting around talking about working out and being healthy?  Where are the real female sports, like foxy boxing, hot oil wrestling, and such and such.

  Still, as bad as the programming for “espnW” could potentially be, it still wouldn’t be as grating as ESPN’s coverage of LeBron James.

  /cracking on ESPN and LeBron is easier than making emo kids cry.

  [USA Today]

   

• Not All Cincinnati Reds Fans Enjoyed the Team’s Celebratory Cigars

  In Featured, MLB

  Tuesday night the Cincinnati Reds locked up their first NL Central division title in some 15 years.  As is the custom, players, coaches and team execs alike drenched each other in champagne, beer, and pretty well any foaming alcoholic beverage they could get their hands on.

  And like any long awaited celebration, such as a division title or birth of a child, some members of the Reds lit up a celebratory stogie.  Sure it’s a straight up violation of Ohio’s statewide smoking ban, but I’m sure no one would have a problem with the fellas and their cigars.

  Well, no one except five ne’er-do-wells with no sense of purpose in their lives except to rain on anyone and everyone’s parade.

  According to the Cincinnati Health Department, no less than five people called the statewide smoking ban complaint hotline after witnessing the smoking of said cigars in the Reds clubhouse.  Because nothing was as important to those five people at that time than stopping the Reds’ blatant disregard for Ohio state law.

  A spokesman for the Health department said that video cannot be used to punish someone guilty of breaking the smoking law, but instead has to be witnessed in person.  Rocky Merz, the Health department spokesman, also said that under State Law, an investigation of the Great American Ballpark and the clubhouse would have to be undertaken.

  If the health inspector catches someone in the act of smoking at the ballpark, the initial violation would bring a warning.  If it happens a second time, Reds owner Bob Castellini may be fined the incredulous amount of $100. Better start passing around the collection plate there Bob.

  As of yet, Castellini has yet to receive the Health department’s letter informing the Reds owner of the alleged violations.  More than likely nothing will come of this, unless the health inspector happens upon some pissant employee enjoying a 4:20 break in the executive washroom.

  As for the supposed Reds fans who called in the violation, this is why you can’t have anything nice.  Enjoy your other, less successful Ohio teams, ya ingrates.

  [WCPO.com]

   

• A Vancouver Canucks Tooth Tattoo? A Vancouver Canucks Tooth Tattoo

  In Featured, NHL

  

  Not much more that I can add here, except that if that isn’t a Canucks tattoo on a tooth, then it’s the funkiest cavity you’ll ever come across.

  How very apropos that this person would get a tattoo on their tooth, considering how many hockey players have lost so many of their own.

  Unlike other tattoos, if they grow tired of their dental ink, or decide to change their allegiances, getting rid of it is but a yank of the pliers away.

  [In The OT via Larry Brown Sports]

   

• Misprinted Phone Number on Ochocinco’s Cereal Leads to a Phone Sex Line

  In NFL

  

  You know, I can appreciate the fact that Chad Ochocinco is philanthropic enough to donate a portion of sales from his OchocincO’s cereal to the children’s charity, Feed The Children.  That actually looks really good on the Bengals receiver, in my humble opinion.

  But if  you’re also going to include the charity’s phone number on the box for consumers to call and pledge money, maybe someone at the company that makes them might double check that the phone number is correct.  Otherwise you might run into some problems…big problems.

  Like phone sex line problems.  Catch my drift?

  In order to direct consumers to call Feed The Children, boxes of Ochocinco’s cereal had the charity’s phone number, 1-800-HELP-FTC, printed on the box.  Only thing is, FTC’s actual number is 1-888-HELP-FTC.  That other number—yeah, it’s a phone sex line.

  Call it (you know you want to, you friggin’ pervert) and you will be greeted by a woman’s seductive voice, detailing the explicit fun you can expect to be a part of, providing your willing to hand over your credit card number, which I do not recommend.  It gets expensive and quick—trust me, I know…er, or so I’ve heard.

  Ochocinco was quick to deny having a hand in the mix-up.  The company that makes the cereal, Pittsburgh based PLB Sports, is currently investigating the situation.

  [Cincinnati.com

   

• Wedding Party Intro Turned Hockey Fight (Video)

  In Featured, NHL

  

  Not content with the usual, run-of-the-mill wedding reception introductions, Best Man Scott Hall and Maid of Honor Kelly Demakis decided they’d spice things up a bit.

  Their flavor of choice?  A good, old fashioned hockey fight.

  Originally the scheming pair were both going to wear Blackhawks’ jerseys, seeing that they are both big Chicago fans.  But Hall nixed that idea, instead choosing to showcase the rivalry Chicago has with the Detroit Red Wings.

  Being introduced all decked out in jerseys wasn’t enough for these two though, hence the idea for the fight.

  “He said, ‘Well, let’s fight,’” said Demakis, a graphic designer by trade. “He said, ‘Do whatever you want. Don’t hold back.’ And I said, ‘I won’t.’ Because I always wanted to get into a hockey fight, and this was probably my only chance.”

  Video of the scrapping wedding party after the jump…

  Props to Demakis for a) her perfectly executed ragdoll, and b) screaming at Hall to “stay down!”  That is badass, although I have to believe Hall let her win as part of his master plan to hook up with Demakis.  First let her win the faux fight, then ply her with double gin and tonics all night before closing the deal.

  Here’s hoping it went off without a hitch.

  [H/T to Puck Daddy]

   

• Jaguars Kassim Osgood and Friend Have Worst Date Ever

  In Featured, NFL

  

  You know your date has gone downhill fast when you go from spending a quiet night in front of the TV with your best girl to being thrown in the middle of a real-life action movie, complete with pistol whippings, laser sights and gunplay.

  Actually this is how most of my dates end up, but I have a history of making poor choices in women.

  Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Kassim Osgood and Roar cheerleader Mackenzie Rae Putnal were parked in front of the tube when Julian Armond Bartletto, pictured here, burst into the second floor room and accosted the pair.

  With his face covered by a plastic bag, Bartletto (allegedly mind you) pointed a gun at the couple and began screaming “I can’t believe you’re with that guy” at Putnal before dragging her around the room by her hair.

  A plastic bag?  That’s the best disguise this douchebag could come up with?  Where’s the originality, where’s the common sense?  And why didn’t the couple just stall Bartletto long enough for him to pass out?

  He pummeled the terrified cheerleader using both his fists and gun, and also cracked Osgood in the head with his weapon.  The crazed gunman went so far as to hit the dog as well.  I mean really, who hits a dog?

  Putnal managed to escape and while Bartletto went after her, Osgood made his escape, first by jamming a chair under the doorknob to jam it shut, then by leaping out a second floor window to the grass below, before making his way to a neighbors house and calling the cops.

  Now, as spectacular an escape that was, it pales in comparison to what was going on inside the house.  While Osgood was making like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Putnam had gotten hold of her own pistol, complete with laser sight, and engaged in a shootout with Bartletto.  However, even with the aid of the laser sight, both she, and her opponent, failed to hit the target.

  I doubt Bartletto worked a shootout with his ex-girlfriend into his evening plans, so he fled the scene.  Cops caught up to Bartletto at his home and arrested him.  He has been charged with aggravated battery, false imprisonment, armed robbery, burglary and violation of an injunction.

  Osgood, according to head coach Jack Del Rio, is “doing OK.”  The 8-year veteran suffered some minor bruises during the incident, but no major injuries.

  [Jacksonville.com]