Save the neck for Metta World Peace.

I have no idea what the story is behind this glorious James Harden cake, but I do know that may be the most frighteningly delicious edible beard I’ve ever seen.  Too bad it would go straight to my thighs.

[@darrenrovell]

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I miss the days Morrison rocked the wispy douchebag mustache.

Former No.3 overall pick by the Charlotte Bobcats in 2006, Adam Morrison, resurfaced at a three-day workout for free agents run by the Brooklyn Nets looking all fine and hirsute and somewhat greasy.  Since flaming out in the NBA Morrison has most recently played in Europe for teams based in Serbia and Turkey, and now it seems he’s trying to make his way back to the association.

If you ask me, Morrison is slowly morphing into Teen Wolf, minus Scott Howard’s werewolf enhanced basketball skills, and if you don’t believe me, here’s all the proof you need…

Give it a few years and the resemblance will be uncanny.

[via @jose3030]

“I’ll take Greatest 70s Porn Staches for $800, Alex.”

NBA legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar was a contestant on Jeopardy! earlier this week, and apart from being the tallest player in the show’s history, he may also be one of the perviest.  When asked to name the missing movie rating from NC-17, R, PG-13, and PG, Kareem went with the answer on the exact opposite end of the spectrum of the correct answer, which was G by the way.

Yep, in one fell swoop the basketball Hall of Famer possibly let the world on on a little secret when he offered his answer of “X” to host Alex Trebek.  There is no movie rating of X (it was replaced by NC-17), except as a generally accepted euphemism for porn.  Alex gives Kareem a little playful scolding for his bawdy answer, which puts the kibosh on any chance of the other two contestants from taking a shot at the answer.

To quote Sean Connery, “suck it, Trebek!”

Here’s Abdul Jabbar being an extremely tall dirty old man…

That’s a pretty funny Jeopardy! fail by Kareem, but not quite as funny as that bowtie he’s wearing.

[via Hot Clicks]

The San Antonio superfan had the image of the Spurs center preparing to launch a 3-pointer shaved into the back of his head, an act that while noble and  unique may land him in trouble with school officials because Gonzalez’s “Bonner Cut” has been deemed a distraction.  Officials for Judson I.S.D. have said on record that if Gonzalez comes to school on Thursday with his awesome haircut in tact he may be in line for an in-school suspension.

That haircut is distracting though…and by distracting I mean totally boss.  Look, it’s on the back of his head, so the only people that are going to see it are those lucky kids seated behind Gonzalez, and answer me this—when given the option of learning fractions or Shakespeare or something educational versus gazing longingly at a hair masterpiece of Spurs forward Matt Bonner, which option do you think most middle school kids would choose?

From Fox San Antonio…

Gonzalez (Patrick’s mother) says she came to the front office to ask permission. School leaders say she mentioned the haircut, but they never gave her the OK. “There was no permission that was given if the parent thought that then it was a miscommunication,” said Aubrey Chancellor, Judson I.S.D. District officials say the haircut is a distraction. “Whether it’s the spurs or whether it’s the cowboys anything people obviously support, it doesn’t matter.”

Give ‘em hell Aubrey Chancellor!  This blatant disregard for the rules regarding distracting haircuts that support professional teams currently in the playoffs must come to an end!  Or, and hear me out school officials at Judson I.S.D., maybe, just maybe you could let the kid’s haircut slide because the Spurs are rolling in the NBA playoffs and really, how offensive or distracting could a Matt Bonner haircut be?

About as offensive or distracting as Matt Bonner in real life, and that ain’t squat.

Who cares if they’re fake?  At $130 below face value they’re a steal!

If any person actually fell for these obviously fraudulent ducats, then I applaud you, for your stupidity knows no bounds.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch the Phoenix Coyotes play the LA Clippers in the Western Conference finals, thanks to this sweet deal I got on playoff tickets from a guy in a non-descript, windowless van.

[@Lock via Deadspin]

After bowling over Battier, Amar’e offers his hand to the fallen Heat forward in order to help him back to his feet, a gesture that Battier willingly accepts, until Stoudemire pulls his hand away in a sweet psych move to leave Battier hanging.

A bit of a dick move by Stoudemire, or a little good-natured gamesmanship by the New York player?  I mean, it was pretty funny, and I’m sure Battier is cool enough to laugh it off, just as I’m sure Stoudemire was aware that his night was over, so why not get one last shot in against an opponent.

But enough of my yakking, you decide for yourself…

What you probably missed because it was almost inaudible was the Heat’s PA announcer saying that Stoudemire had been “extinguished from the game.”  Now that was a dickish move, yet completely awesome.

[Buzzfeed]

I don’t need to tell you that this won’t end well.

If you’re too short to dunk, or are devoid of any ounce of athletic ability like yours truly, then it’s probably not the best idea to use your buddy as some kind of human trampoline.  Trust me, the human back doesn’t provide enough spring for you to reach the desired height to complete your dunk, and the resulting effort is nothing short of disastrous, as this kid’s dunk fail will prove.

There’s a second video floating around of this kid actually completing this dunk, albeit from a foot closer, but I guarantee that won’t have nearly as many views as this one of him slamming face first into the basketball pole.  If there’s anything that garners huge numbers of pageviews, it’s human suffering.

[H/T to Guyism]

On the surface it seems like a fan sitting courtside may have had a bit too much to drink and decided not to bother waiting for the game to finish before asking for some players autographs.  But no, this woman seems to have a history with the Nuggets and their players, specifically former Nugget Kenyon Martin, who now plays with the Clippers.

According to Marc Spears of Yahoo! Sports, the woman is 20-year-old Savannah McMillan-Christmas, who had been banned from the Pepsi Center for allegedly stalking Martin.  Sources also told Spears that McMillan-Christmas had been screaming “Where is Kenyon?” at the Denver bench before making her way on the floor.

The Denver Post is reporting that a couple of off-duty Denver police officers cited McMillan-Christmas for trespassing but did not detain her, and the troubled young woman will appear in a Denver court on Monday.

[video via LBS]

Yamma hamma, that’s a lot of stitches.

In case you missed it, Knicks forward Amar’e Stoudemire, in a fit of rage and stupidity, punched a fire extinguisher following the Game 2 loss to the Heat.  Well, not exactly a fire extinguisher, but rather the glass casing around it, which caused considerable damage to his left hand, the extent of which we now know thanks to this picture tweeted out by Stoudemire earlier today.

With the Knicks down 3-0 in the series, Stoudemire maintains that he can make a return to the lineup for Game 4 this coming Sunday.

Not with that hand you ain’t, Amar’e.

That’s almost two in the stink right there.

I understand what this Grizzlies fan was trying to do when center Marc Gasol fell at his feet during Game 2 action against the Clippers, but there had to be a better way of giving the fallen Gasol a helping hand.  Like maybe giving the 7-footer an actual hand, and not just a couple of fingers that look suspiciously like they’re heading for Gasol’s anus.

Going with the two finger approach is just wrong…and highly inappropriate, at least during an NBA game.

[via 30fps]