Here’s a bit of late breaking news that you may have missed from last week, but apparently the Alcor Life Extension Foundation facility was the victim of a break-in this past Thursday. Why is this news you ask? If you don’t remember, Alcor is the final resting place of Boston Red Sox legend Ted Williams’ earthly remains.
What makes this even newsier? Those remains may have been the primary target of thieves, and worse, they may have actually been stolen. Which is both fascinating and morbid at the same time. Read more ›
Yep, that’s 51-year-old Terry Francona, manager of the Boston Red Sox, celebrating his daughter’s engagement in the most fitting way possible…shirtless and flexing. Seems appropriate to me–this is exactly how I celebrated my son’s briss, only fatter, drunker and oilier.
Gotta give it to Francona here—he’s in pretty good shape for a guy in his 50′s. But being totally hairless like he is, I can’t tell if he looks more like a shelled turtle, or a very pale seal. Whatever the case, Tito makes pretty cute daughters. Why on Earth is she marrying Andy Richter’s taller, creepier doppelganger?
I’ve always felt kind of sorry for Rocco Baldelli–here’s a kid who came into the league with a ton of promise and hype, who posted some pretty good numbers his first few seasons with the Rays, before injuries (torn ACL, Tommy John surgery) and a bizarre bout of constant fatigue, later diagnosed as a mitochondrial abnormality, led to a marked decrease in his playing time and production.
And yet he never gave up, making an admirable comeback with the Red Sox last season, appearing in 62 games with the Boston club.
This offseason the 28-year-old signed on as a roving instructor with Tampa Bay’s minor league system–but the lure of the game was too strong to keep Baldelli off the field. So guess what? The kid is making another comeback, this time with the Class-A Charlotte Stone Crabs.
And I know Rocco will make it all the way back to the show yet again, of this I have no doubt. Wanna know why? Because Rocco Baldelli has harnessed the power of the mustache…a mustache so sweet, so glorious, not only has it been referred to as “arguably the best mustache in the Minor Leagues if not all of professional baseball,” but the Stone Crabs are honoring Baldelli’s facial hair with “Rocco Baldelli Mustache Night,” where anyone who shows up sporting their very own homegrown lip hair will get a free team hat and free ticket to an upcoming Stone Crabs game.
Now witness the magnificent splendor that is Rocco Baldelli’s mustache…
Hey, as long as Baldelli keeps that absolutely fantabulous mustache, success shall be his once again. It worked for Carl Pavano, didn’t it?
Remember Daniel Nava, the Red Sox minor league prospect who had a major crush on the utterly delicious Erin Andrews? Nava did this cute little thing every game, where he’d leave a ticket for Andrews on the pass list in the hopes that one day she’d actually show up. For three years he did this, so it became not so much cute, as it did pathetic, especially since Andrews never took him up on his offer.
Maybe now she will, once she hears of Nava’s record breaking debut.
Nava was called up from Triple-A Pawtucket right before Boston battled the Philadelphia Phillies at Fenway Park. Finding himself at the bottom of the order, Nava came up to the plate for his first at-bat in the bottom of the second inning.
It was memorable to say the least.
Nava took the first pitch he saw from Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton and parked it in the Sox bullpen in right field for a grand slam home run. One pitch, one home run, one spot in the record books. Who said baseball was a difficult game?
Obviously not Daniel Nava.
With his dinger, Nava becomes only the fourth player in MLB history to hit a grand slam in his first big league at-bat, and only the second to nail one on the first pitch. The first? Kevin Kouzmanoff, when he was with the Indians, did it back in September 2006.
Nava finished the day 2 for 4, adding a double and striking out once.
UPDATE: Seems Nava’s exploits worked at getting Erin Andrews attention…
This juicy little nugget has been floating around the internets for a couple of days I think, but it finally came my way just recently. At least I think they’re our friends. After seeing the abomination that is “Scu Scu Scutaro,” a loving tribute to Boston’s journeyman shortstop, set to the tune of the cringeworthy Phil Collins ditty “Sussudio,” I’m having my doubts.
I was in my formative teen years when Collins released “Sussudio,” and I still have no idea what the hell a sussudio is, other than a big pile of ridiculousness. As for Marco Scutaro, he’s decent and all, but worthy of his own song? I’d say nyet, but as I’ve learned over the years, nothing is out of the realm of impossibility when it comes to Red Sox Nation.
But don’t take my word for it…watch the video and form your own opinion.
There’s nothing better than seeing a fat, obnoxious Red Sox fan get his comeuppance. Oh wait, yes there is…when it comes at the hand of a drunken little person, who shall forever be known as Shortgoria, the greatest Rays fan in history.
Not surprisingly, the douchetastic Red Sox fan is the alleged instigator, repeatedly screaming in Shortgoria’s face, “YOU’RE A SHIT EATER AND ALL RAYS FANS ARE SHIT EATERS!!!” Not having ever met Shortgoria, or any Rays fan for that matter, I doubt very much that that is true. And if I ever meet a Rays fan (or *crosses fingers* Shortgoria), somehow I’ll broach the delicate subject of their fecal dining habits. Until then, I’ll just assume that Rays fans don’t eat shit.
Shortgoria, for a little guy, has some big balls, and an even bigger mouth. Despite giving up a good 3 feet and 150 lbs (at least) to the Sox fan, Shortgoria tries goading the dude into a fight, begging him to take his best shot.
“Please, throw one punch,” says Shortgoria. “I’ll beat your fat, fucking ass.”
Unfortunately the Sox fan doesn’t comply with the request, and we’re left to wonder what might have been, had Shortgoria unleashed a wee ass-whooping on the dickish Boston fan.
Still, Shortgoria has quickly made a name for himself on these here internets…and proven that even guys small in stature can carry around ginormous balls.
Memo to all Red Sox and Yankees fans–let this story be a lesson to you all. Or y’all, depending on what part of the country you’re from.
We get it–you hate each other. Your rivalry is well documented. Your battles epic. Varitek vs. Rodriguez, Pedro vs. Zimmer, Munson vs. Fisk. Classic moments in the storied Red Sox/Yankees rivalry.
But you fans, you always have to take it too far. Way too far. Like second-degree murder too far.
You read that right.
Back in 2008 (before when this little site was but a burning sensation in my crotch), a Yankees fan from Nashua, New Hampshire, by the name of Ivonne Hernandez, had a confrontation with Red Sox fan Matthew Beaudoin. And by confrontation, I mean Beaudoin made fun of Hernandez’s Yankees sticker on her Dodge Intrepid.
Hernandez’s response? She showed Beaudoin the decal up close–while it was still attached to her car.
The 29-year-old Beaudoin died from his injuries, which included multiple fractures of his skull.
In a verdict which would not amuse Bucky “Fucking” Dent, Hernandez was convicted of second-degree murder, which can carry a life sentence.
One person who was pleased with the outcome was Beaudoin’s sister Faith. Her response to the verdict? “It’s absolutely wonderful to have a Christmas gift like this.”
Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, don’t it. [CNN via Deadspin]
I doubt that Krista Lackey, the wife of newly signed Red Sox hurler John Lackey, ever thought she’d receive this kind of Boston welcome. She is, after all, one of the reasons Lackey signed with the Sox in the first place.
So, you’re probably wondering what kind of reception Krista Lackey got. Because if you’re not, then why the hell are you reading this?
Cheering crowd at the airport? Nope.
Ticker-tape parade? Nope.
Congratulatory newspaper ad? Nope.
Having your fur coat puked on by a drunken Bostonian? Bingo!
Apparently the couple went out for a bite in Kenmore Square, where the lovely Krista had her fur coat vomited on by a wasted douchebag. No word on whether the upchuck was a veiled PETA protest against fur.
But no worries for Lackey–with the money her hubby scored from the Sox, they can afford a good dry cleaner. And I mean the actual business, not just the cleaning.
This cute kid is Nate Johns, fourth-grader at Van Buren Elementary in Baldwinsville, New York. And he’s quite obviously a New York Yankees fan.
So much so that he decided to wear his CC Sabathia shirt to school.
No problem, right?
Wrong.
Seems his teacher, Peter Addabbo, is a displaced Boston Red Sox fan, and for whatever reason took offense to little Nate’s shirt…probably because it clashed with the shrine to the Sox he set up in his classroom.
At first Nate thought his teacher was busting his chops, but quickly realized he was serious. Nate complied, and was told to wear it like that until it was time to go home.
As if that wasn’t humiliating enough, Nate was the subject of taunts from fifth-graders (the true pricks of the elementary school system) for wearing his shirt like that.
The Baldwinsville school district is conducting an investigation, presumably to get the teacher’s side of the story.
In a surprisingly classy move, the New York Yankees are sending Nate a gift package as a reward for his loyalty. It’s unsure what exactly is in the package, only because the Yankee organization wanted it to be a surprise.
Here’s a bit of late breaking news that you may have missed from last week, but apparently the Alcor Life Extension Foundation facility was the victim of a break-in this past Thursday. Why is this news you ask? If you don’t remember, Alcor is the final resting place of Boston Red Sox legend Ted Williams’ earthly remains.
