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• D-Bag of the Week for 14/12/09

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  Hey, I just found a new synonym for “abuse of power.”  It’s spelled W-I-L-L-I-A-M-S.  As in Roy Williams, head coach of the men’s basketball team at North Carolina, and your newly-minted Douchebag of the Week.

  If you’re wondering why such a revered and highly-respected coach such as Roy Williams is the subject of my wrath, well, I’ll tell you.

  During North Carolina’s blowout win over Presbyterian, Williams had a “heckler” removed by security, with just about six minutes left to say.

  What did said heckler yell to rile up Williams to the point of having him ejected?

  “Don’t miss, Deon.”

  Yes, that’s it.

  Williams claims that the heckler was intoxicated, and hurling insults the entire game.  Obviously, the person in question denies the allegations.

  And to all you Roy Williams apologists out there–yes, I understand that buying a ticket does not give you the right to do what ever you feel like, and act like a retarded monkey.  That being said, it’s a sporting event for shit’s sake–does Roy “Fucktard” Williams expect you to sit there on your hands and say nothing.

  No, as long as it’s nothing disparaging about his beloved Tar Heels, then holler away.

  It’s too bad William’s had to pull this stunt–in my opinion he’s gone from classy, respected, top-notch coach, to smug, ignorant, power-mad douchebag in the span of two minutes.  And while North Carolina has done nothing to penalize Williams for his act of douchebaggery, at least the media, both real and bloggers alike, have taken the UNC coach to task for his apparent lack of class.

  Just imagine the reaction if Mike Krzyzewski had pulled this stunt instead of Roy Williams.

  [Image]

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 15/11/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  I just want to say something to LeBron James (because I know he checks out this site daily)…dude, shut the fuck up and play basketball.

  There, now that I got that out of my system, you’re probably wondering what James did to get me so pissed, and to get himself named Douchebag of the Week.

  Well, LeBron is taking it upon himself to start a petition to have Michael Jordan’s No. 23 retired league wide.  James plans on changing his number to 6, and is urging other players in the league that currently wear No. 23 to switch jersey numbers as well.

  Look, it’s not that I don’t think Jordan is one of the best, if not the best player of all time.  The point is, it’s debatable.  Well, to everyone but LeBron.  According to King James, “there would be no LeBron James, no Kobe Bryant, no Dwyane Wade if there wasn’t Michael Jordan first.”

  As far as I know, only two leagues have league-wide retired numbers–the NHL retired Wayne Gretzky’s No. 99, and MLB retired the No. 42 of Jackie Robinson.  Both are understandable, both are worthy.

  But not Jordan.

  Sorry, but MJ was no pioneer.  And he’s already been honored, by the Bulls, who retired his number, and by the league, with his recent enshrinement into the Hall of Fame.

  But say LeBron is successful, and Jordan’s No. 23 is retired league-wide.  Who’s jersey is next–Bill Russell’s No. 6 (which would mean James would need yet another new number), Magic Johnson’s No. 32, Larry Bird’s 33?

  LeBron James, Douchebag of the Week, if you want to honor Jordan by changing your number, so be it.  But leave it to the David Stern and the NBA to decide about a league-wide retiring of No. 23…OK?

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 28/10/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  Anyone with any kind of working knowledge of the NFL knows what kind of owner Dan Snyder of the Washington Redskins is.

  He makes Al Davis seem logical, and Jerry Jones seem reasonable.

  To his credit though, his rash and sometimes asinine personnel decisions are, in his mind anyway, an attempt at improving his club.

  He comes across as a little dictator though (insert Hitler joke here), but his latest stunt is just too much.

  As bad as the Skins are (and man, they are bad), the fans still come out in droves…filling both the stadium, and Snyder’s greasy pocketbook.  And when fans come to games, many of them bring signs, whether to cheer their fave players on with, or express dismay with the current regime (it’s more of the latter in Washington these days).

  Well, at least they used to.  Apparently, the Redskins now have a zero sign policy, which was strictly enforced at the Monday nighter against the Eagles.  My guess is that Snyder and his cronies didn’t want the fans obvious displeasuer with him, Vinny Cerrato and Jim Zorn to be plastered all across the U.S. of A.

  So Snyder did the only reasonable thing…he violated the constitution of the United States.  You know, that tiny part about freedom of speech.  Of course the team had a “reasonable” excuse for banning the signs…and by reasonable, I mean completely laughable.  The Redskins are banning signs, now get this, in order to protect fans from getting injured by said signs.

  You gotta be fucking kidding me.

  Maybe they’ve done studies that show sign-related deaths are on the rise.  Or maybe Dan Snyder is just fucking ridiculous.

  The Redskins did have a sign policy in effect, basically saying that signs deemed offensive or inappropriate would be confiscated.

  Now it’s all signs…because saying hi to your hubby in Iraq is both dangerous and offensive.

  

  This is an actual sign that Dan Steinberg fished out of the garbage outside FedEx field.  Un-fucking-believable.

  For a great read on the whole Skins sign-ban fiasco (including other confiscated signs), read Steinberg’s awesome column at DC Sports Bog (thanks for the pic too).

  Dan Snyder, for showing your fans, and the world, what a spiteful little prick you are, I hereby proclaim you Douchebag of the Week.

  Now go fuck yourself.

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 18/10/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  This is a first…co-winners of the Douchebag of the Week award.  One for what he did, one for what he said.

  And both are from the Carolina Panthers.

  First there’s Dante Wesley.  The Panthers cornerback took it upon himself to try and make Carson Palmer’s prediction that someone will eventually be killed on a football field a reality this past Sunday.

  By nearly decapitating Bucs PR Clifton Smith…before the ball even got there.  Here’s the vicious hit, where you clearly see three things…

  1. Wesley leaves his feet and goes right for the head/throat of Smith
  2. The ball doesn’t come into the frame until a good 3-4 seconds after the hit
  3. Dante Wesley is a friggin’ douchebag

  This is clearly one of those hits that is a clear-cut dirty tackle on Wesley’s part.  And for his idiocy, he got a one game suspension, without pay.

  Here’s the vicious hit…

  Smith received a concussion, and was unable to speak after the game.

  Then there’s head coach John Fox, he of the uncertain future with the Panthers.  Unfortunately Fox, like a lot of coaches, was quick to defend Wesley and his dirty play.

  And for that he’s a douchebag.

  Look, I understand when coaches have to stick up for their guys…if they don’t it causes bad feelings and makes for an uncomfortable locker room.  But every once in a while a coach needs to go outside the norm and call out one of his own when they commit an obviously flagrant foul that almost seriously injures another player.

  This was one of those times.

  Instead of coming out and saying Wesley was wrong, that he deserves to be punished, that he’s a fucktard, Fox had this to say…

  “I hate to see it. I hated to see it for their guy and our guy. But sometimes it happens. It’s not intentional; it’s not done maliciously. You’ve got to make a split-second decision. It’s no different than driving to work and putting your brakes on. Sometimes accidents happen.”

  Are you fucking kidding me?  Wesley had a 10 yard run-up…plenty of time to make his decision.  And he chose to try and take Smith’s head off.  Accident my ass.

  “I know the kid (Wesley), I know the kid’s character and I know he would never do anything intentionally like that,” Fox said. “It’s unfortunate that it happened, and I’m sure he’ll learn from it.”

  Yes John Fox, it’s unfortunate.  It’s unfortunate that Wesley tried to decapitate Clifton Smith, and it’s unfortunate you had to be co-winner of the Douchebag of the Week.

  Enjoy getting canned in the offseason. [Panthers.com]

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 05/10/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  No, it’s not Erin Andrews, ya friggin’ idiots.

  It’s the creepy stalker the FBI arrested for the “Erin Andrews peep hole video” scandal.  Yes, Michael David Barrett of Westmont, Illinois, you are the Douchebag of the Week.

  Look, I’m like the hundreds of millions of guys who, yes, would love to see the gorgeous Miss Andrews in her birthday suit…but not like this.  I was thinking more along the lines of a Playboy spread (or to a lesser extent Hustler, Swank or Shaved).  The whole peephole thing went beyond creepy, even for a horny dirtbag like me.  No one, famous or not, should be violated and exploited in that way…ever.

  But now we know the son-of-a-bitch responsible for this unlawful act of privacy violation and douchebaggery.

  Barrett, 47, faces federal charges of Internet stalking.  The penalty for such carries a maximum five year prison term and $250,000 fine.

  And apparently Erin Andrews isn’t this piece of shit’s only victim.  Allegedly Barrett made peephole videos of other women, and posted them on the Internet.

  Barrett was released on bond and ordered to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet, and ordered not to use the Internet. We can only hope this scumbag gets sent to prison, where his “peephole” will get violated…repeatedly.

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 28/09/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  You just have to feel sorry for the Cleveland Browns fans…easily some of the most rabid, educated, passionate fans in the NFL.  Or any league for that matter.

  Their once-proud franchise has quickly become one of the laughing-stocks in the league, down there with the Rams and Lions.

  And now their turd of a head coach is my Douchebag of the Week, not so much for one specific thing, but for a virtual cornucopia of royal screw-ups that have proven just what kind of douchetard “Mangenius” really is.

  If you want to know how Mangini came to be head coach of the Browns, go check out Wikipedia.  Let’s just say his coaching record as the Jets head coach was bad…very bad.  Save for one playoff season of 10-6, Mangini finished his time in New York with a 23-26 record.  Which is why it was very surprising the Browns hired this mutt 15 minutes after the Jets jettisoned his fat ass.

  In his short time at Cleveland, Mangini has been able to sink the already declining Browns franchise to new depths of suckitude, the likes of which have only been seen by the Detroit Lions and St. Louis Rams.

  Here are “Mangenius” accomplishments in his short tenure as Browns coach…

  • Had a mural of Cleveland Browns greats torn down in the Browns offices.
  • Put the Browns rookies on a bus from Cleveland to Hartford, Connecticut to participate in a football camp.  The ride lasted 10 hours…each way.
  • Fined one of his players $1700 for taking a $3 bottle of water from a hotel minibar without paying for it.
  • Reports are that Mangini screwed Josh Cribbs out of an agreed-to contract renegotiation.
  • The always tedious starting QB guessing game is back on, with it being announced today that Quinn is riding the pines, with Derek Anderson assuming the starting role.

  Let us not forget that Mangini was involved, and fined, for his role in the Jets/Brett Favre injury reporting snafu…and the whole “Spygate” thingy, of which he was a primary figure.

  A few of the Browns players have filed grievances against Hitler Mangini for the fines he assessed them.  I hope they win, and I hope the Cleveland organization wises up and gets rid of this douchebag before the franchise sinks any lower.

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 28/06/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  First off, let me apologize for not updating the Douchebag of the Week award for last week.  Between work, kids, and my continued laziness, I just never got around to it.

  But I’m back, baby!

  I sense a trend starting here.  On the 14th, idiot Laker fans who thought the best way to celebrate another NBA championship was to destroy L.A. property.

  This time it’s the wonderful fans of Philadelphia, best known for booing Santa Claus, and cheering a momentarily paralyzed Michael Irvin.

  Classy to say the least.

  This time I’m referring to fans of the Phillies, last year’s World Series winners.

  Last week, Phils reliever J.C. Romero was involved in an altercation with a fan who wanted his autograph.  When Romero refused, the fan shouted “How about you get me some juice?”

  Harmless right?  Until you remember Romero just got back from a 50 game suspension for a banned substance.  What did Romero do?

  He choked the bitch out…kind of.

  Romero allegedly grabbed the fan, Robert Eaton, by the throat.

  This is where the fans come in.  While authorities sort the case out, many Phils fans weighed in on what happened.

  And not surprisingly, they sided with Romero…because choking a guy out is perfectly appropriate response to an insult.

  Some examples…

  “Way to go, J.C. You fired up the team. The guy should keep his mouth shut.”

  “The smart-[bleep] deserved it. Just because the grown man didn’t get some autographs. … Boohoo.”

  “The heckler not only deserved what he got, he should have been beaten mercilessly with bats. I have no pity for him. Nobody deserves to take crap from some loser who probably makes $4.50 an hour and then goes home to a broken home with ugly children.”

  Excellent.  Phillies fans ripping a dude for being a jerk. If that’s not the pot calling the kettle black.

  Hypocritical…definitely.

  Expected…most likely.

  Worthy of being named Douchebag of the Week…absolutely!

  [MLB Fanhouse]

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 14/06/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  News headlines from the NBA Championship…

  1. Lakers beat Magic in 5 games for their 15th NBA championship.

  2. Kobe Bryant gets his first title sans Shaq.

  3. Phil Jackson gets his 10th ring, one for each finger, and one more than the legendary Red Auerbach.

  4. L.A. Lakers fans are rioting douchebags.

  Why in the hell do some fans (not all) feel the need to celebrate their team’s championships with destruction, mayhem and douchebaggery.

  Congrats Lakers fans, you’re all the Douchebag of the Week.  Now go clean up your friggin’ mess.

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 07/06/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  I’m a little late I know, but to be honest, I had a hard time figuring out who was gonna be the Douchebag of the Week.

  I had considered LeBron James again, but that story is getting old.

  Hell, it was so bad I almost turned to the world of tennis (gag) and that jackass who “attacked” Roger Federer with a Barcelona flag.

  But then a former NFL and CFL player showed up, opened his big mouth, and “Boom Goes the Dynamite!”…we have a winner.

  Andre “Bad Moon” Rison, the former wide receiver for the Falcons, Packers, Chiefs and Toronto Argonauts (to name a few) was recently interviewed by the Atlanta Journal Constitution.  Most of what he had to say was not-so-newsworthy…until he proclaimed himself the greatest wide receiver–ever.

  When asked about his legacy, Rison had this to say…

  “Best receiver to ever play the game. I can’t show my highlights because I don’t own NFL Films, but all my coaches in college, in high school, in junior college, they all told me I could be the best. But they must’ve lied because that title was already given to Jerry Rice. Just because you have stats doesn’t mean you’re the best. Can’t nobody tell me that Andre Reed isn’t better than Jerry Rice. I’m seeing cornerbacks on the 75th anniversary team that I used to demolish. But I’m coming out with my own hall of fame.”

  Ummm Andre, buddy, Jerry Rice is considered the best because, well, he was the best.  And while there are those who will argue that there were better (see Hutson, Don), I doubt very much that anyone is making the case for you.

  But hey, at least Rison is one of the few people who can say they won both a Super Bowl and Grey Cup in their career.

  And now he can say he also won the Douchebag of the Week.

   

• D-Bag of the Week for 31/05/09

  In D-bag of the Week

  

  There were a few more choices than normal for the Douchebag of the Week this week.  I could’ve gone with the umpire who threw out both managers and both catchers in the Red Sox/Twins game the other night.  Or Sergio Garcia and his broken heart.

  Hell, I could’ve chosen LeBron James for his post game sulking after getting bounced from the NBA playoffs.

  But the person I chose this week is way, way worse than those guys combined–and I have Twitter to thank for pointing out this asshole.

  Specifically, Jimmy Traina, writer of Hot Clicks on Sports Illustrated’s website, posted a tweet about today’s episode of ESPN’s “Outside the Lines.”  So I checked it out.

  So, without further adieu, I hereby decree Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall our latest Douchebag of the Week–and if he keeps going the way he is, we may have to rename the award in his honor.

  Before reading further, head over to ESPN and watch the video yourself…but come back.  Please.  I’ll buy you a kitten.

  Now that you’re back…I was lying about the kitten.

  Marshall was a fourth round draft pick, 119th overall by the Denver Broncos.

  Even before being drafted, D-Bag Marshall had his run-ins with the law while attending the University of Central Florida.  Twice he was arrested and charged with numerous misdemeanors, but both times the charges were dismissed.

  It was shortly after the draft that the numerous “incidents” between Brandon and his girlfriend Rasheedah Watley started to occur–and the list of events is a long and sordid one.

  The police were called 11 times to respond to confrontations between Marshall and Watley.  The latter told “OTL” that Marshall had, on various occasions, assaulted her and choked her.  Many of the police reports state the same, as well as times that Watley struck Marshall.

  Twice in this time period, from June 17, 2006 to May 5, 2008, Watley obtained a temporary protective order against Marshall.

  Add in a DUI, a confrontation with his father (complete with shots fired), and the fact that an argument Marshall and his cousin got into at the “Shelter,” a nightclub in Denver, that ultimately led to the death of Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams (this according to former Broncos receiver Javon Walker, the person in who’s lap Williams died) made my decision for Douchebag of the Week a helluva lot easier.

  Let’s just hope that commisioner Roger Goodell watched this episode of “Outside the Lines” too, and that he does something about this scumbag–and soon.  [ESPN]